There is the God statement, "...for I The LORD your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of them that hate Me...."
My father's father's father was in line for the chieftainship of the Mutasa Clan (in the Eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe) [Mutasa literally means "straight" or "lying down", referring to a person], and he opted to run away and settle in the Midlands region, in Chiwundura, where people called him Tamirepi, [for "where shall we stand"] and later, "Mashora" meaning 'spy who looks down on us' because he had come to the land and taken a wife and decided to "take advantage".
I think by being sober enough to refuse Chieftainship, since God alone is Lord, He attracted God's attention. He however had a son, called 'Tambaoga' for "one who plays alone", who 'may' have beaten his father to death. It is 'suspected' that Tamirepi's 'suicide' was not without some contrivance from his son.
My grandfather chose to please the people among whom he had settled by going against his father, but he refused to leave the land for his father's sake. He married a woman who had a child by someone else, and caused hell for the woman and child, and they had "their" first born, my "father" Artwell Thadeous Mashora, and while, again it is mere hearsay, it is 'said' that many children that were born between my father and aunt, Violet mysteriously died very young, at the contrivance of my grandmother, as revenge for his treatment of her son by another.
My own father got married to my mother, and while it is not certain, I suppose there was either a bond between my mother and paternal grandmother, which led to the 'idea' to dispose of the 'son' my father so avidly longed for...me... when my father would NOT take the sons of my mother's former marriage, having some bit of a conscience, but not too much to try to prevent him having someone who would be his own target for the ill treatment by his own father.
That is real "parental love" for you.
So I was born, and from the first I was awre of the mortal danger I was in, and 'trusted' nothing, and committed to nothing.
The other day I looked myself in the mirror, wondering at the woman who had been so obviously tyerrified of me and yet so 'aware' of me, and I noticed the reason why she had done what she did:
Looked at with my head held "high" I look 'sad' and forlorn, because my pupils fill both top and bottom of my lids.
I lower my head, and the truth comes out...my yellow eyes leave a 'lionlike' gap between the pupils and the lower lid, and when I am irritated it is the lower lid that rises up, and the effect is quite terrifying. And I searched for fear and found none, and I can normally read fear in the eyes. My own eyes are expressionless...dead, unchanging, and THAT coupled with the fact that my brow, at head down position, is like the eyepiece of the helmet Achilles wore in the movie "Troy", means the first thing ANYONE with even half a brain immediately thinks of the moment he/she sees me is...war.
And, as someone commented today when he saw me walking, I walk like I own the country, simply because I really do not care what anybody thinks. Nor do I tend to 'listen' to anyone.
Except my mother. Her I let go. But there was still someone else, and as I said, it is a question of "pedigree". Traditionally, the English decided to subjugate the Shona...and I am Shona...which means that 'mentally' they were afraid, on sight, of these placid people whose land they took. So they decided to use their [English] feeling of inferiority to effect a physical feeling of inferiority on the 'blacks'. I ignored all that because I liked English for its facility as a language I could marshall my thoughts in, and curb my rage, but I ignored the English themselves, because I found out early that they themselves did not even know their own language.
So when Michelle walked into my field of vision, I dismissed her instantly as a busy-body English, and she instantly recoiled against being so summarilly rejected.
As I write this I am at Simonstown Library, where it all began.
She immediately decided to prove me wrong for being so 'irreverent', and decided to belittle everything I did, and when I spoke of going to America when I met her on the 15th of September, she brushed it aside and invited me to church. After wards, she 'took me out" and paraded me, dirty and unwashed, into Salty Sea Dog, and while ordering food for us, she tried to attract the attention of the owner, a Boer guy called Durant. He instantly achieved a wooden expression and, though less than 3 metres away, pretended he was not there, and the thing was, he seemed so 'aware' of me, and yet his fear, was, for me, curious in that it was not openly expressed. Yet I knew that he knew that I was now out to KILL Michell, that I had set aside everything to totally wipe her on the floor, and he definitely did not want to be involved.
I met Michelle the following day in Fish-hoek, looking so very smug, and I saw the faint moustache on her upper lip, the faint bulge on her forehead, and I asked her quietly why she had taken me out the day before, and she said that "Simonstown is form everyone", meaning, you see that I was not "superior" but just like everyone else, when in fact, I was the greatest thing to ever walk this planet..aside from God Almighty Himself, and the Boers were the first to see that. Which is why all the ten were Boers, and also why, I have replaced Sarah, Michelle's daughter, with 5 real "princesses' from this very delectable race. More Monday.
My father's father's father was in line for the chieftainship of the Mutasa Clan (in the Eastern Highlands of Zimbabwe) [Mutasa literally means "straight" or "lying down", referring to a person], and he opted to run away and settle in the Midlands region, in Chiwundura, where people called him Tamirepi, [for "where shall we stand"] and later, "Mashora" meaning 'spy who looks down on us' because he had come to the land and taken a wife and decided to "take advantage".
I think by being sober enough to refuse Chieftainship, since God alone is Lord, He attracted God's attention. He however had a son, called 'Tambaoga' for "one who plays alone", who 'may' have beaten his father to death. It is 'suspected' that Tamirepi's 'suicide' was not without some contrivance from his son.
My grandfather chose to please the people among whom he had settled by going against his father, but he refused to leave the land for his father's sake. He married a woman who had a child by someone else, and caused hell for the woman and child, and they had "their" first born, my "father" Artwell Thadeous Mashora, and while, again it is mere hearsay, it is 'said' that many children that were born between my father and aunt, Violet mysteriously died very young, at the contrivance of my grandmother, as revenge for his treatment of her son by another.
My own father got married to my mother, and while it is not certain, I suppose there was either a bond between my mother and paternal grandmother, which led to the 'idea' to dispose of the 'son' my father so avidly longed for...me... when my father would NOT take the sons of my mother's former marriage, having some bit of a conscience, but not too much to try to prevent him having someone who would be his own target for the ill treatment by his own father.
That is real "parental love" for you.
So I was born, and from the first I was awre of the mortal danger I was in, and 'trusted' nothing, and committed to nothing.
The other day I looked myself in the mirror, wondering at the woman who had been so obviously tyerrified of me and yet so 'aware' of me, and I noticed the reason why she had done what she did:
Looked at with my head held "high" I look 'sad' and forlorn, because my pupils fill both top and bottom of my lids.
I lower my head, and the truth comes out...my yellow eyes leave a 'lionlike' gap between the pupils and the lower lid, and when I am irritated it is the lower lid that rises up, and the effect is quite terrifying. And I searched for fear and found none, and I can normally read fear in the eyes. My own eyes are expressionless...dead, unchanging, and THAT coupled with the fact that my brow, at head down position, is like the eyepiece of the helmet Achilles wore in the movie "Troy", means the first thing ANYONE with even half a brain immediately thinks of the moment he/she sees me is...war.
And, as someone commented today when he saw me walking, I walk like I own the country, simply because I really do not care what anybody thinks. Nor do I tend to 'listen' to anyone.
Except my mother. Her I let go. But there was still someone else, and as I said, it is a question of "pedigree". Traditionally, the English decided to subjugate the Shona...and I am Shona...which means that 'mentally' they were afraid, on sight, of these placid people whose land they took. So they decided to use their [English] feeling of inferiority to effect a physical feeling of inferiority on the 'blacks'. I ignored all that because I liked English for its facility as a language I could marshall my thoughts in, and curb my rage, but I ignored the English themselves, because I found out early that they themselves did not even know their own language.
So when Michelle walked into my field of vision, I dismissed her instantly as a busy-body English, and she instantly recoiled against being so summarilly rejected.
As I write this I am at Simonstown Library, where it all began.
She immediately decided to prove me wrong for being so 'irreverent', and decided to belittle everything I did, and when I spoke of going to America when I met her on the 15th of September, she brushed it aside and invited me to church. After wards, she 'took me out" and paraded me, dirty and unwashed, into Salty Sea Dog, and while ordering food for us, she tried to attract the attention of the owner, a Boer guy called Durant. He instantly achieved a wooden expression and, though less than 3 metres away, pretended he was not there, and the thing was, he seemed so 'aware' of me, and yet his fear, was, for me, curious in that it was not openly expressed. Yet I knew that he knew that I was now out to KILL Michell, that I had set aside everything to totally wipe her on the floor, and he definitely did not want to be involved.
I met Michelle the following day in Fish-hoek, looking so very smug, and I saw the faint moustache on her upper lip, the faint bulge on her forehead, and I asked her quietly why she had taken me out the day before, and she said that "Simonstown is form everyone", meaning, you see that I was not "superior" but just like everyone else, when in fact, I was the greatest thing to ever walk this planet..aside from God Almighty Himself, and the Boers were the first to see that. Which is why all the ten were Boers, and also why, I have replaced Sarah, Michelle's daughter, with 5 real "princesses' from this very delectable race. More Monday.
