In 2005, after breaking up with this girl that I spoke about who had this vision that I also spoke about, I had to let her go, but I would not, not because I cared for her, or strictly speaking, her for me, but because I would rather her than my mother... and it was in one of those times that I came to try to force her... actually, to beat her up, like my father did my mother [the apple does not fall far from the tree, DONT YOU THINK?] that, after a long silence, God quoted the words of the song by Craig David and Sting to me:
"been caught in compromising situations
I should have learnt
from all those times I didn't walk away
when I knew it was best to go..."
I did not listen..., to me God was an interloper, then, Whose interests were NOT for my good, as it seemed then...there was blood, cops[although I did beat up her uncle... she used to run to him when we had trouble, and HE thought I was head over heels in love with her, so I promised her, half jokingly, it seemed at that time, that when we broke up I would beat him up...and I did, but I derived not much satisfaction from THAT, because all I did was make myself seem ...cheap, and desperate] and the ultimate humiliation of my mother having to bail me out, and so, stubborn as I am, I have learnt NEVER to try to force someone who is not inclined to go my way... to do so.
Or even if a person IS inclined towards having something to do with me, it must be 100% her own volition, I merely ...speak. Which is why God SAID to me that HE was not responsible if I did something, and hey presto, it WAS about my complaint about the woman... He said that HIS yoke would be easy, and that I was to be merely an academic, yeah, 'to the fish'.
Man, and I thought I KNEW what that meant! Now, it seems that it means something totally different, like He was to merely burden me with women who would 'listen' to my words... and obey?
I do not SEE that happening yet!
They are all busy painting their fingernails and such, and I am BEYOND being upset: I am MAD!
Fuck, what is so difficult to listen to here? Must I DO something?
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Of course, I will never negotiate, but, I will also never ever again try to violently MAKE someone do something that she did not want to. I have learnt my lesson, thank you very much.
Right now, all I am saying is this, "God, You are making a fool of me. You said I was to trust You for this... and these are not simple numbers, but people, who lie, pretend and want a person to bend to their whims... the VERY thing I have tried my best to never do. Now I am neither moving forward not able to go backwards, so, what now? I am fed up, and I want change, or I walk away from it all!"
Here is the song, anyway!
God, how I hate being in this type of prison. Its hell!
On the other hand, I never thought anyone could care, see, so I am not really missing out on much if I lose out, but for crying out loud wont the people come out in the open!!funny though, that from my favourite song growing up, "kiss from the rose" should come things like things happening now; an 'ark' with wings like a bat ( see the video of Batman Forever with the song as soundtrack), and the...characters, and their REAL lives. Seal got married, and divorced, a blonde model, this year actually.
And the lyrics! Funny that, what do you think?
Hell, even if I had the wildest imagination I could NOT have made this up, people, and not even the most devious mind could have been as ...methodical about everything as God has been as far as I am concerned, because somewhere the person, like the holy spirit did, would have,made a slip, by making a basic assumption that would have shown his wrong in his approach towards me.
YET, for all this, I wonder that anything can possibly happen, because these are people I am dealing with. You can present them with the facts, and they will ignore it all, and frankly, I would have preferred to be without the hassle of being exposed to them, because at the end of the day, I doubt that anything would change. I would rather just be...active!
Speaking of which, fuck being environmentally conscious! I am under protest till I have things under my power, and control, so heck, I will TAKE for myself the best, the fastest, the most lethal weapons that people have, like the f117 stealth bombers, the fastest bikes, the most dangerous cars, and take on anyone who dares challenge me.
I am MAD, and will take it out on these other people, the ones I am not meant to leave alone.
I want to see how it feels to detonate a nuclear warhead with me in the epicenter, and if I would walk out of it, and if others will die in the process!
Then, maybe, WHEN I have found a reason to live, I will try to be constructive, and...helpful.
because, frankly, right now, I do not give a damn about anyone or anything; I just THINK IT IS ALL A WASTE OF TIME!
the only thing I agree with tupac about are the opening lines
" I see no changes
I wake in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living
or should I blast myself?"
Frankly,I wish I could do THAT, but I am not done yet.
I only know of some ways that have NOT worked at the moment
And there is a whole plethora of ways that COULD work, so, I am about to use my imagination to do just THAT!
"been caught in compromising situations
I should have learnt
from all those times I didn't walk away
when I knew it was best to go..."
I did not listen..., to me God was an interloper, then, Whose interests were NOT for my good, as it seemed then...there was blood, cops[although I did beat up her uncle... she used to run to him when we had trouble, and HE thought I was head over heels in love with her, so I promised her, half jokingly, it seemed at that time, that when we broke up I would beat him up...and I did, but I derived not much satisfaction from THAT, because all I did was make myself seem ...cheap, and desperate] and the ultimate humiliation of my mother having to bail me out, and so, stubborn as I am, I have learnt NEVER to try to force someone who is not inclined to go my way... to do so.
Or even if a person IS inclined towards having something to do with me, it must be 100% her own volition, I merely ...speak. Which is why God SAID to me that HE was not responsible if I did something, and hey presto, it WAS about my complaint about the woman... He said that HIS yoke would be easy, and that I was to be merely an academic, yeah, 'to the fish'.
Man, and I thought I KNEW what that meant! Now, it seems that it means something totally different, like He was to merely burden me with women who would 'listen' to my words... and obey?
I do not SEE that happening yet!
They are all busy painting their fingernails and such, and I am BEYOND being upset: I am MAD!
Fuck, what is so difficult to listen to here? Must I DO something?
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Of course, I will never negotiate, but, I will also never ever again try to violently MAKE someone do something that she did not want to. I have learnt my lesson, thank you very much.
Right now, all I am saying is this, "God, You are making a fool of me. You said I was to trust You for this... and these are not simple numbers, but people, who lie, pretend and want a person to bend to their whims... the VERY thing I have tried my best to never do. Now I am neither moving forward not able to go backwards, so, what now? I am fed up, and I want change, or I walk away from it all!"
Here is the song, anyway!
God, how I hate being in this type of prison. Its hell!
And the lyrics! Funny that, what do you think?
Hell, even if I had the wildest imagination I could NOT have made this up, people, and not even the most devious mind could have been as ...methodical about everything as God has been as far as I am concerned, because somewhere the person, like the holy spirit did, would have,made a slip, by making a basic assumption that would have shown his wrong in his approach towards me.
YET, for all this, I wonder that anything can possibly happen, because these are people I am dealing with. You can present them with the facts, and they will ignore it all, and frankly, I would have preferred to be without the hassle of being exposed to them, because at the end of the day, I doubt that anything would change. I would rather just be...active!
Speaking of which, fuck being environmentally conscious! I am under protest till I have things under my power, and control, so heck, I will TAKE for myself the best, the fastest, the most lethal weapons that people have, like the f117 stealth bombers, the fastest bikes, the most dangerous cars, and take on anyone who dares challenge me.
I am MAD, and will take it out on these other people, the ones I am not meant to leave alone.
I want to see how it feels to detonate a nuclear warhead with me in the epicenter, and if I would walk out of it, and if others will die in the process!
Then, maybe, WHEN I have found a reason to live, I will try to be constructive, and...helpful.
because, frankly, right now, I do not give a damn about anyone or anything; I just THINK IT IS ALL A WASTE OF TIME!
the only thing I agree with tupac about are the opening lines
" I see no changes
I wake in the morning and I ask myself
is life worth living
or should I blast myself?"
Frankly,I wish I could do THAT, but I am not done yet.
I only know of some ways that have NOT worked at the moment
And there is a whole plethora of ways that COULD work, so, I am about to use my imagination to do just THAT!
