the guy who owns the 'shop' had said he would be early, and so, I thought no harm would be done by taking stuff out while I waited, and doing some 'work'.
He was on time. Like always, he came around noon. I had been there since 9am, and he was not pleased to find that I had not arranged stuff and started doing business. He went on and on about why I did not bother being committed, and I wondered whether I had not explained myself to him... like, I really do not CARE about his meaningless business, it is, for me, something to do because there is, at present, fuck all to do, and it took me some time to realise that his outlook is the same as that of everyone else, that there actually EXISTS something that I would ever be fully committed to, fully devoted to, so that I would gravitate towards it.
Stupid, is what I call it!
I realise even now that the women, the ten, or, more specifically, the three, actually assume that I am so in love that I will hand around and wait on them, like I actually care so much what they or anyone else thinks that I will take bold steps towards them.
Fuck, whatever it is that is supposed to be in a person that makes him care about the feelings of other people, about even his own life, is, for me, irrevocably missing, and one thing I thought would be forced on me is the caring attitude, yet God told me to be myself.
Now, He had said to the first man that on the day he ate of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, he would die, because he would know the difference between good and evil, right?
But I see people as objects, not 'beings'...more like toys and such.
yeah, I realise that somewhere in them is an acknowledgment of pain, needs and desires, but I am indifferent to that, have always been, because nobody's business, even God's, matters much to me. I am more interested in logic, and sequential action than in sentiments, so, PLEASE, do not think that I actually care that people who, if they have ears to hear, and choose not to do anything about it, will actually make me stop and say, "Oh, I could not do this to her, or them, let me humble myself and just wait a little longer."
Well, let me put it this way, if by tomorrow, at sunset, there has been no change in the way things are, then I AM dumping all the women, and chucking all this away, and walking away.
Because I will not be made a fool of any longer.
And I have decided that, regardless of the outcome, I will choose, as I go on, more women that appeal to me that have things that these other women lack, so that it will be clearly known that it is not because they, these women, are perfect, but that they were more suitable alternatives than those that forced their ways into my attention, and incurred my anger.
let it be known that I could not care less what others' feelings on the subject could be. I am just angry at being taken for a fumbling idiot by reasoning people who know their own minds and yet want to hide behind shadows as though they can not be seen.
Stupid broads!
I am thinking, as a first measure of taking the girl with the book Shopaholic Girl, who came to the beach and who took my breath away.
fuck, I would always lie awake wondering what happened to her if I did not!
...And, that diving girl with the flared waist...I mean, where on earth could I find one like THAT!
Then there is the other one who smiled shyly at me when she came to the beach also!
And the two German sisters who came to the lodge I used to stay at when Michelle made her kak with me!
I may as well indulge myself, yes?
"them say Bounty is the beast in the eye of the beholder
Compare him to Hitler and Ayatollah
Say them are high roller, them are baby in a stroller..."
Unfortunately, the lyrics do not show, when Bounty sings!
