It is with some amazement that I realise that the threat to humanity and God are not all these people and Christ and The Holy Spirit... yes they are, but they are just minor irritants...
No, the one person who should NOT have his hands on the tiller is actually, none other than MYSELF.
I was complaining to myself about just how nothing I am doing is actually having the desired effect, and I was wondering at the meaning of God's cryptic comments about everything I did, and I was getting rather ...worried.
But, after saying my piece yesterday, I went and actually slept, and what is more, I found out that, with Michelle more or less out of my life, I actually had no more worries, and, of course, that should have been a warning to me, but it was not till this morning that I got the truth about just WHY I was acting like I was.
Let me take you back in time, to how I came to South Africa.
Its late 2007 and I want to carry my war with The Holy Spirit far from the interference of my mother, since she thinks she knows me, and will try to control me and put me under her heel, so...I just walk out. No preparation, no planning. I regard everything like that chicken in Surf's Up who thought everything was cool and he was on holiday.
Funny thing is, I get to South Africa the day this guy who was tried for rape and went to court and sang songs about "Mushini wami"...in court no less...well, I stroll into the country the day that this guy goes to the political meeting that gets him elected as the chairman of the ruling party, and when I read about it a few days later, I just think...what is this world coming to? That was strike one for me.
Then I make it to the capital...free of course, the day the guy becomes chairman, and Pass through on my way to Cape Town...going over people and stuff,and finding out...well,not till this morning actually, that nothing God ever created is as tough as I am.
I mean, I got The Spirit of God to surrender and run for the hills, simply because I was looking for a challenge and wanted to take out anybody or anything stupid enough to get entangled with me.
Well, after yesterday, I was really clueless, and I admit I said to God, "Ok, Father, I have NO idea what to do next. I am lost!"
That was the first time I ever came to grips with the fact that me in charge is a BAD idea, because, let is face it, I am extremely aggressive...I mean, I was actually plotting taking matters into my own hands and ridding the world of nuclear weapons by blowing them all up...I would have found a way, and if it meant hacking into the world's most secure computers, those IMPOSSIBLE to get into...hey, what is my name? I have been DOING the impossible since I started strolling, comfortable in my own skin, and everything I have done has, in some way, been destructive.
What really got me to pause was that, while I was doing my "capite censi" about the women I would take with me, I found out, coincidentally, of course, that the number came out to 27.
Mandela spent 27 years in jail, and walked out to be the first black president, and published "No Easy Walk to Freedom"; and well, I was taking it easy, I was taking matters into my own hands and trying, since I have no ambition nor interest in people as such, to get things done, so that I could just depart.
I wanted to die, and it was only when I got The Holy Spirit to back off that I realised that God had said I would not die, and it was then that I concluded that, in order to STOP from seeking what, as God said to me, I could not find during the day or during the night, I had to have my hands full.
Now, I will be honest, no one, for any length of time, could endure me, and the worst thing for the world is for me to relax, because once I do relax, I start stretching my legs, and when I do, I find that I can not endure certain..."constraints", so, of course, I push against those bonds and break them.
The best thing for everyone would be to give me what I SAY I want and not seek to negotiate, because everytime somebody tries to tell me NOT to do things in a certain way, I turn my focus on that person and say, "Now who the fuck are you to tell me what I ought ot ought not to do?"...and then its on!
Someone may think I am a bully, but bullies want to be feared; I just want to be...unfettered by others' opinions.
I chose for myself 27 women, and OK, I will make Michelle the 25th, and replace that other one I labelled as 25th, because, you see, I am not a forgiving person: I took pity on the girl, and when I wanted to help her out, she started looking down on me, thinking that actions speak louder than words, but she did not know that I am the ONE person it is NOT true of...or rather it would not be a good idea to find out, because when I act, I do so after thinking everything through and closing any loopholes, and my planning is always executed flawlessly.
Now, I would want to wake up one morning and ask myself, "Why is SHE here?", then I will say," OK, she must always remember that it NEVER pays to laugh at me", and I will back off, and let her be.
The point is, the world is safe when I am just an academic. Think of me in charge? Dont go there!
No, the one person who should NOT have his hands on the tiller is actually, none other than MYSELF.
I was complaining to myself about just how nothing I am doing is actually having the desired effect, and I was wondering at the meaning of God's cryptic comments about everything I did, and I was getting rather ...worried.
But, after saying my piece yesterday, I went and actually slept, and what is more, I found out that, with Michelle more or less out of my life, I actually had no more worries, and, of course, that should have been a warning to me, but it was not till this morning that I got the truth about just WHY I was acting like I was.
Let me take you back in time, to how I came to South Africa.
Its late 2007 and I want to carry my war with The Holy Spirit far from the interference of my mother, since she thinks she knows me, and will try to control me and put me under her heel, so...I just walk out. No preparation, no planning. I regard everything like that chicken in Surf's Up who thought everything was cool and he was on holiday.
Funny thing is, I get to South Africa the day this guy who was tried for rape and went to court and sang songs about "Mushini wami"...in court no less...well, I stroll into the country the day that this guy goes to the political meeting that gets him elected as the chairman of the ruling party, and when I read about it a few days later, I just think...what is this world coming to? That was strike one for me.
Then I make it to the capital...free of course, the day the guy becomes chairman, and Pass through on my way to Cape Town...going over people and stuff,and finding out...well,not till this morning actually, that nothing God ever created is as tough as I am.
I mean, I got The Spirit of God to surrender and run for the hills, simply because I was looking for a challenge and wanted to take out anybody or anything stupid enough to get entangled with me.
Well, after yesterday, I was really clueless, and I admit I said to God, "Ok, Father, I have NO idea what to do next. I am lost!"
That was the first time I ever came to grips with the fact that me in charge is a BAD idea, because, let is face it, I am extremely aggressive...I mean, I was actually plotting taking matters into my own hands and ridding the world of nuclear weapons by blowing them all up...I would have found a way, and if it meant hacking into the world's most secure computers, those IMPOSSIBLE to get into...hey, what is my name? I have been DOING the impossible since I started strolling, comfortable in my own skin, and everything I have done has, in some way, been destructive.
What really got me to pause was that, while I was doing my "capite censi" about the women I would take with me, I found out, coincidentally, of course, that the number came out to 27.
Mandela spent 27 years in jail, and walked out to be the first black president, and published "No Easy Walk to Freedom"; and well, I was taking it easy, I was taking matters into my own hands and trying, since I have no ambition nor interest in people as such, to get things done, so that I could just depart.
I wanted to die, and it was only when I got The Holy Spirit to back off that I realised that God had said I would not die, and it was then that I concluded that, in order to STOP from seeking what, as God said to me, I could not find during the day or during the night, I had to have my hands full.
Now, I will be honest, no one, for any length of time, could endure me, and the worst thing for the world is for me to relax, because once I do relax, I start stretching my legs, and when I do, I find that I can not endure certain..."constraints", so, of course, I push against those bonds and break them.
The best thing for everyone would be to give me what I SAY I want and not seek to negotiate, because everytime somebody tries to tell me NOT to do things in a certain way, I turn my focus on that person and say, "Now who the fuck are you to tell me what I ought ot ought not to do?"...and then its on!
Someone may think I am a bully, but bullies want to be feared; I just want to be...unfettered by others' opinions.
I chose for myself 27 women, and OK, I will make Michelle the 25th, and replace that other one I labelled as 25th, because, you see, I am not a forgiving person: I took pity on the girl, and when I wanted to help her out, she started looking down on me, thinking that actions speak louder than words, but she did not know that I am the ONE person it is NOT true of...or rather it would not be a good idea to find out, because when I act, I do so after thinking everything through and closing any loopholes, and my planning is always executed flawlessly.
Now, I would want to wake up one morning and ask myself, "Why is SHE here?", then I will say," OK, she must always remember that it NEVER pays to laugh at me", and I will back off, and let her be.
The point is, the world is safe when I am just an academic. Think of me in charge? Dont go there!
