I am currently reading about the first world war, and this commentary that I have on the German Offensives of 1918 showed me that, even in war against a common enemy, traditional enemies WILL always try to use even that enemy to destroy each other, because that is the underlying theme to the 'misunderstandings' between the English and the French at Somme.
This made me realise that what I was seeking to embark on, as it stands, is an 'impossible' thing, because it is based, not on a realistic grasp of things, but rather on can-I-rest-now thinking.
Now, in order not to vent my aggression on Michelle, since I have to still go on and topple the root cause of my current 'struggle for survival', I asked God..or He hinted/prompted me to ask... for ten women, and now, as I mentioned, the women have been popping out of the woodwork, and so, I had made what I thought was The Final Selection, before 'calling' them to myself, but I was still Not happy with these, because they would, no question about it, have to have with each other as with myself...common ground.
It goes without saying they have to be virgins, for MY peace of mind since I do not need 'witnesses' who will say that they knew the girl before I did, but beyond that, I had no clear idea just what they would have that would keep me from being a judge and arbitrator between them, since they were from such 'varied' backgrounds.
Then I realised that there was a common thread to some 10 women that made them so easy to gravitate to...they KNEW how it felt to be alone, even amomg crowds, because they were judged primarily by appearance and by stereotype;...they were all blond.
And each one was so naturally attractive, and when we met, I mean, lets face it, they made an immediate impact, and did not show me their asses, at least:
1) The girl I saw on my birthday
2)The girl I saw on the 25th of May
3)The girl I saw on the 25th of May
4) The girl I saw on the 26th of May
5) The girl bridesmaid girl I met at Sam's Lodge
6)The Dutch girl
7)The polite-to-her-mother girl I saw at the library
8)The first Castle girl
9) The other Castle girl
10) The other girl that I saw at Longbeach who turned around and put to rest the question I had had for a long time...about "why me, God?"
Because, you see, try as I might, I can not get over the fact that, at nine months old, when my mother finally decided, maybe after realising that smacking my back a bit too hard than was absolutely necessary to 'quieten me' was not venting her aggression enough, and finally deciding, in the living room of the 'flat'in the army barracks the family was using, to get it over with by 'accidentally' drowning me in the plastic dish... I immediately fought back and 'called' a neighbour, a woman who came to enquire what the noise was.
That day that I decided to fight back, thousands died elsewhere, and there was widespread destruction, and I wondered why there was this almost 'insane' rage in me which made it almost impossible for anyone to look me in the eye and keep my gaze, or to 'withstand' me.
Till, later, I realised, both from the fact that God, when coming to see the man, sent His "VOICE' ahead of Him, and the man who had disobeyed His command could not stand and wait for Him to show up but went and hid himself, and from the fact that, from the prophets a there is a statemant that goes, "A voice crying out in the wilderness, prepare a way for the lord, make his paths straight...", God had Himself sent me a 'helper' to destabilise the prejudice against my 'right' to life, and that I would unwittingly 'call out' whenever I felt threatened, and, well, till this past few months, no one that I called out to ever actually came and could stay around me for long, because none could bear the scrutiny...except for these 10 women who not only, some, at least, looked me in the eye, or at least looked at me, and posed no threat at all, something that had never happened to me.
Up till then, I never bothered to do anything to leave my anonymous refuge, because I worried about never having someone at my back I could trust, a safe haven, but now, as I am set to rise up, and put to rest all the issues that have plagued me...and by inference [direct, indirect, implicit, explicit] God Himself [and not angels not Christ, nor the one being I want to see dead more than any other, The so called Holy Spirit, because with him it is deeply personal], I am ready to gather to myself these women, because I know that I will feel a void that they have had just as they will fill a void I have had, since, of course, my first fight was over my mother denying me the same 'right to life' she herself had.
So, now, I lay out my challenge to the whole world just as I challenge every 'power and principality' in the spiritual realm, just as I challenge every living man, woman and child, and every creature on the earth, in the sea, in the sky and in all existence, about me and God, God and me, even as i call to me the ten women, and prepare for the war that razes to the ground every falsehood and leaves the whole earth, and all existence, bare to the basics, and all flesh, all dust, shall see it... and crumble to the dust.
This made me realise that what I was seeking to embark on, as it stands, is an 'impossible' thing, because it is based, not on a realistic grasp of things, but rather on can-I-rest-now thinking.
Now, in order not to vent my aggression on Michelle, since I have to still go on and topple the root cause of my current 'struggle for survival', I asked God..or He hinted/prompted me to ask... for ten women, and now, as I mentioned, the women have been popping out of the woodwork, and so, I had made what I thought was The Final Selection, before 'calling' them to myself, but I was still Not happy with these, because they would, no question about it, have to have with each other as with myself...common ground.
It goes without saying they have to be virgins, for MY peace of mind since I do not need 'witnesses' who will say that they knew the girl before I did, but beyond that, I had no clear idea just what they would have that would keep me from being a judge and arbitrator between them, since they were from such 'varied' backgrounds.
Then I realised that there was a common thread to some 10 women that made them so easy to gravitate to...they KNEW how it felt to be alone, even amomg crowds, because they were judged primarily by appearance and by stereotype;...they were all blond.
And each one was so naturally attractive, and when we met, I mean, lets face it, they made an immediate impact, and did not show me their asses, at least:
1) The girl I saw on my birthday
2)The girl I saw on the 25th of May
3)The girl I saw on the 25th of May
4) The girl I saw on the 26th of May
5) The girl bridesmaid girl I met at Sam's Lodge
6)The Dutch girl
7)The polite-to-her-mother girl I saw at the library
8)The first Castle girl
9) The other Castle girl
10) The other girl that I saw at Longbeach who turned around and put to rest the question I had had for a long time...about "why me, God?"
Because, you see, try as I might, I can not get over the fact that, at nine months old, when my mother finally decided, maybe after realising that smacking my back a bit too hard than was absolutely necessary to 'quieten me' was not venting her aggression enough, and finally deciding, in the living room of the 'flat'in the army barracks the family was using, to get it over with by 'accidentally' drowning me in the plastic dish... I immediately fought back and 'called' a neighbour, a woman who came to enquire what the noise was.
That day that I decided to fight back, thousands died elsewhere, and there was widespread destruction, and I wondered why there was this almost 'insane' rage in me which made it almost impossible for anyone to look me in the eye and keep my gaze, or to 'withstand' me.
Till, later, I realised, both from the fact that God, when coming to see the man, sent His "VOICE' ahead of Him, and the man who had disobeyed His command could not stand and wait for Him to show up but went and hid himself, and from the fact that, from the prophets a there is a statemant that goes, "A voice crying out in the wilderness, prepare a way for the lord, make his paths straight...", God had Himself sent me a 'helper' to destabilise the prejudice against my 'right' to life, and that I would unwittingly 'call out' whenever I felt threatened, and, well, till this past few months, no one that I called out to ever actually came and could stay around me for long, because none could bear the scrutiny...except for these 10 women who not only, some, at least, looked me in the eye, or at least looked at me, and posed no threat at all, something that had never happened to me.
Up till then, I never bothered to do anything to leave my anonymous refuge, because I worried about never having someone at my back I could trust, a safe haven, but now, as I am set to rise up, and put to rest all the issues that have plagued me...and by inference [direct, indirect, implicit, explicit] God Himself [and not angels not Christ, nor the one being I want to see dead more than any other, The so called Holy Spirit, because with him it is deeply personal], I am ready to gather to myself these women, because I know that I will feel a void that they have had just as they will fill a void I have had, since, of course, my first fight was over my mother denying me the same 'right to life' she herself had.
So, now, I lay out my challenge to the whole world just as I challenge every 'power and principality' in the spiritual realm, just as I challenge every living man, woman and child, and every creature on the earth, in the sea, in the sky and in all existence, about me and God, God and me, even as i call to me the ten women, and prepare for the war that razes to the ground every falsehood and leaves the whole earth, and all existence, bare to the basics, and all flesh, all dust, shall see it... and crumble to the dust.
