So, there i was, a young boy, on a suitably dark night and, with characteristic lack of drama, suddenly, God happened.
I wish I could say I was thrilled, but I was not, because being in any way under the spotlight of The Creator did Not feature in my plans, for any kind of future.So,... I ran away. I took my life and ran as far away with it as I could.
I never got far enough away, though, because the next thing I heard was The Holy Spirit advising me not to pretend, or deceive.
I almost exploded, and went, "Some nerve:- You come unanounced and You tell me what to and what not to do? Well, of course You are God, but WHO the hell do You think You are?"
Well...it almost made sense at the time, but you know what I mean, right?
So, after I tried arguments to disprove that God existed, I finally decided to not fight Him from afar... I mean, it made no sense to be like The French guy [are they ALL so empty-headed?] who said, "I think, therefore I am"... and pretend that well, what happened did not happen.
I went to church. I had previously tried to compromise; I would first of all live life fast and furious, then when I was about to die, I would have a deathbed repentance and then, be "forgiven my sins" and so be assured of not being thrown in hell... after all, Jesus DID emphatically point out, in the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, that all those who were not children of Abraham, like the rich man was...or, was NOT, I mean, would go to hell at death, while ONLY the children of Abraham would go to Paradise, which is something like a waiting room for heaven. So, I thought, hey, I may as well see if I can be inconspicuous and just avoid God's gaze till I can just slink in to heaven.
I would join the crowd, and go to church.
Obviously, that did not work out as I thought, because when I went through the whole praying and fasting for baptism in The Holy Ghost with evidence in speaking in other tongues...[it made no sense AT the TIME that, well, I was supposed to FOLLOW what Christ said would follow believers, so that I could KNOW that I belonged to GOD, but then, nothing about God at that time made sense, which was puzzling, since He is methodically methodical]... The Holy Spirit again intervened and once He told me I was ALREADY born of The Spirit, and the other time, in church when the emcee said "Lift up your hands in the presence of God and let Him talk to you right now", and I did, He said, "I have claimed you for Myself"...
Schmuck!!
The anonymity-among-many thing did not seem to work, so I dropped OUT of church, and when I came across the Big Bang Theory at school, I thought, "Aha! Now I will prove that You do NOT exist!"
Again, it almost MADE sense, till I tried to take up the task, and so just how many holes were in the Big Bang hypothesis... and my new found sense of vain hope became evanscent... disappeared without a scent, or even a bang.
Then I thought, yeah, well, God is historical [old news], and theological [Bible only], so maybe He can not do THIS, so I took Him to task and asked Him to GIVE me the answer to the Goldbach Conjecture since it is written, "ask and it shall be given to you" [forgot that it is also written something about "seek"], and when I thought that that could NEVER happen, and I had gone as far as I felt I could, and then say, "Aha, this You can NOT do!", He surprised me by saying, "Try the falco effect".
I did, I solved the conjecture,and was stymied.
So, I went to the Bible again, and tried vigorously, persistently, to break His word. In my life. Practically.
I asked Him at one time, "God, what do You want of me?" and He said, "Be yourself", and I thought that was the craziest thing I had ever heard.
If I showed up as I am in real life, I would be locked in a sanatorium and they would throw away the key! Well, I eventually WAS in a sanatorium, but they let me go because they thought I could function better outside than in... and I was THAT disappointed, because... well, I am crazy!!
Anyway, to the Bible...
After realising that He always came to people for a specific task and then let them go after they did as He required, I challenged Him to tell me what He wanted me to DO, so I could get it done and have Him out of my life.
Like the woman in the movie "The Mummy returns", who had the other guy bound to a chair and started pulling out the snake from her sack,which caused this guy to start telling her everything he thought she wanted to hear "so that you can let me go", He replied, "When did we make THAT arrangement?", and I was lost.
That is what The Holy Spirit does! He comes, stays for something then He GOES.
But He always says what He comes FOR, and He never did that with me so...
Conclusion?
He is with me to stay.
I had thoughts of Him leaving me crucified so that I could say, martyristically, like Christ, "Father, receive My Spirit", and die ignobly and then rise heroically...till I realised that He never meant to let me go, not even to die.
So, weird as I may sound, I actually have no option but to carry on with my weirdness.
Hey, life is NOT fair, yes?
