One thing I can not do is keep a secret, for the simple reason that I hold that being looked up to for anything is really silly. If anyone ever wanted to be like me, I would pity that person, because life is no fun, being me, so I want always to spread everything I know... maybe because I secretly yearn to always be in the shadows, anonymous, while attention is focused where it should be.
Which makes my demand for US$500m for "my knowledge" of things seem like an oxymoronic statement...yes?
So, i will try to distinguish between the two; my desire for anonymity and my need for the money that will inevitably come with the attention.
There is the answer right there: "inevitable attention". I hate it when things do not go the way I want, so I must get something out of it, because there is no way to challenge the status quo without getting heaps of unwanted attention...and for me any attention is always unwanted, PERIOD.
In fact, I would say that the only type of attention that I got that I did not "call" unwanted was when people..."women"... looked at me at my worst and did not shy away. OK, so sometines it was not at my worst, but when I "thought" it was the worst, and to them I was a person... not just a person, but someone they could feel for, and none of them knew that I had this explosive thing in my head.
From the pretty nurse at Victoria Hospital who, when The Holy Spirit had REALLY driven me to the wall with his...meddling... and I held nothing back in trying to die instantly, from hanging to slashing my wrists and throat,...[I merely went to sleep the 1st time, drew no blood the second,(though I had deep stitches later), as though I had no blood, ditto the third]...well, this nurse remembered me from the 1st time, and my name, and when I observed her doing her thing later, I put two and two together and said, "Ah, you must love your job", because, of course, she could not see me as a person. She couldn't possibly have.
I was therefore surprised to see her hang her head and avoid my eyes.
Then there was the last year psychology student who got friendly with me, in a nice way of course, and she brightened my days at Valkenberg, but one day I went off the wall and had to be restrained, after almost taking a guard's head off, and when she met me and smiled, I ignored her, because of what I was, you see... somebody that The Holy Spirit had so despised from the word go that I was worng, wrong, wrong, in everything I did...contrary to what God Himself said, "I will have styeadfast love, not sacrifice". He, THS, fell in with Jesus' teaching, "If you abide in me... I will 'prune' you and you will bear much fruit", meaning he came with his own tailor made impression of who i ought to be.
Anyway, this pretty lady was obviously hurt i turned away from her, simply because being a nothing does get to drain one's self esteem down the youknowwhat.
then there were all the ladies i have met since, who have been surprised when i did not reciprocate. yesterday i counted them all, and they were 11 in all. Eleven women who showed THS to be wrong. i would like to do something for these, from the three blonde ladies i met on two successive days; the 1st the one near Glencairn who stopped and stared when i did a double take, because she was obviously expecting a follow-through while i was expectind some racial dressing down for my impertinence, and when none came she surprised me by her body language, as though saying, "well, i do not BITE", and then the one in Fish-Hoek library, who persistently ignored me, even though i was looking right at her, she never once looked at me, but kept her head on her book. And i was right there, peering at her from the top of the bookshelfs outside the library, and she went on with botanical stuff. She had two earings on her left ear, no ring, and her hair went with her. When the lib. opened, i put the fantasy out of mind, then she came and sat across from me, and she went on the net. Finished what i was doing and was getting up when she races up, cuts across from me rather abruptly, and goes on to study books. Amazing.
Then there was the last one, the one in black, who was miles away and I "stopped" to let her pass. She was eyewateringly sexy, and i shamelessly ogled her,and was surprised when she did NOT give me a dirty look or do the eye-to-shoesto-crotch thing that women do when they want you ro know you are out of their league. She raised her eyebrows and kept her eyes on my face. She had red lipsyick, abut I loved what i saw.
Then there is the silver-haired blonde lady. I never saw her face, but she had a lovely body, the type where you go, "Wow", the moment you lay eyes on her, and the same day i had another "wow-from-the-back" moment, and she had raven-black hair, and she was going into Simonstown Station.
And there had been this other chick who was maybe Indian, and she was sitting...last year...in the carriage across from me, with a guy who was all-over her, and the funny thing was, when i just glanced akept on minding my own business, i knew at once she was deeply unhappy, and yet when i looked up at her again, and she caught me staring, i got none of the frowns i would have expected from her, and even when she got off the trian ahead of me at S/Town, i caught the glance.
Then the other chick with the dog and the stick, who poked into my place at the beach, and ran away embarassed. Sexy lady with nice round ass and great body, blonde.
then the facebook lady, and michelle, who could have bothe blasted me away.
11 mistakes of THS, which is why I want that dough!
Which makes my demand for US$500m for "my knowledge" of things seem like an oxymoronic statement...yes?
So, i will try to distinguish between the two; my desire for anonymity and my need for the money that will inevitably come with the attention.
There is the answer right there: "inevitable attention". I hate it when things do not go the way I want, so I must get something out of it, because there is no way to challenge the status quo without getting heaps of unwanted attention...and for me any attention is always unwanted, PERIOD.
In fact, I would say that the only type of attention that I got that I did not "call" unwanted was when people..."women"... looked at me at my worst and did not shy away. OK, so sometines it was not at my worst, but when I "thought" it was the worst, and to them I was a person... not just a person, but someone they could feel for, and none of them knew that I had this explosive thing in my head.
From the pretty nurse at Victoria Hospital who, when The Holy Spirit had REALLY driven me to the wall with his...meddling... and I held nothing back in trying to die instantly, from hanging to slashing my wrists and throat,...[I merely went to sleep the 1st time, drew no blood the second,(though I had deep stitches later), as though I had no blood, ditto the third]...well, this nurse remembered me from the 1st time, and my name, and when I observed her doing her thing later, I put two and two together and said, "Ah, you must love your job", because, of course, she could not see me as a person. She couldn't possibly have.
I was therefore surprised to see her hang her head and avoid my eyes.
Then there was the last year psychology student who got friendly with me, in a nice way of course, and she brightened my days at Valkenberg, but one day I went off the wall and had to be restrained, after almost taking a guard's head off, and when she met me and smiled, I ignored her, because of what I was, you see... somebody that The Holy Spirit had so despised from the word go that I was worng, wrong, wrong, in everything I did...contrary to what God Himself said, "I will have styeadfast love, not sacrifice". He, THS, fell in with Jesus' teaching, "If you abide in me... I will 'prune' you and you will bear much fruit", meaning he came with his own tailor made impression of who i ought to be.
Anyway, this pretty lady was obviously hurt i turned away from her, simply because being a nothing does get to drain one's self esteem down the youknowwhat.
then there were all the ladies i have met since, who have been surprised when i did not reciprocate. yesterday i counted them all, and they were 11 in all. Eleven women who showed THS to be wrong. i would like to do something for these, from the three blonde ladies i met on two successive days; the 1st the one near Glencairn who stopped and stared when i did a double take, because she was obviously expecting a follow-through while i was expectind some racial dressing down for my impertinence, and when none came she surprised me by her body language, as though saying, "well, i do not BITE", and then the one in Fish-Hoek library, who persistently ignored me, even though i was looking right at her, she never once looked at me, but kept her head on her book. And i was right there, peering at her from the top of the bookshelfs outside the library, and she went on with botanical stuff. She had two earings on her left ear, no ring, and her hair went with her. When the lib. opened, i put the fantasy out of mind, then she came and sat across from me, and she went on the net. Finished what i was doing and was getting up when she races up, cuts across from me rather abruptly, and goes on to study books. Amazing.
Then there was the last one, the one in black, who was miles away and I "stopped" to let her pass. She was eyewateringly sexy, and i shamelessly ogled her,and was surprised when she did NOT give me a dirty look or do the eye-to-shoesto-crotch thing that women do when they want you ro know you are out of their league. She raised her eyebrows and kept her eyes on my face. She had red lipsyick, abut I loved what i saw.
Then there is the silver-haired blonde lady. I never saw her face, but she had a lovely body, the type where you go, "Wow", the moment you lay eyes on her, and the same day i had another "wow-from-the-back" moment, and she had raven-black hair, and she was going into Simonstown Station.
And there had been this other chick who was maybe Indian, and she was sitting...last year...in the carriage across from me, with a guy who was all-over her, and the funny thing was, when i just glanced akept on minding my own business, i knew at once she was deeply unhappy, and yet when i looked up at her again, and she caught me staring, i got none of the frowns i would have expected from her, and even when she got off the trian ahead of me at S/Town, i caught the glance.
Then the other chick with the dog and the stick, who poked into my place at the beach, and ran away embarassed. Sexy lady with nice round ass and great body, blonde.
then the facebook lady, and michelle, who could have bothe blasted me away.
11 mistakes of THS, which is why I want that dough!
