This is going to hurt, especially since I am not really eager to blurt THIS out, but then, hey, I am an academic, and I am really curious about certain things... .
Like, for example, how true was my statement on the 25th that I love The Holy Spirit, because, honestly, one does NOT prefer death to having The Spirit of God residing in oneself, and call the battle for space, "love" or anything to do with the said emotion, or state of being.
So, i was up all night...eh, figuratively, and i was checking myself, and i came to the unshakeable conclusion that i actually dislike The Spirit of God, and do not actually want him in my life.
i mean, i am the guy who went "Hallelua!" when i read Christ's statement that all manner of sin would be forgiven man but blasphemy against The Spirit of God would never be forgiven, neither in this age nor in the one to come... and since he also said that one could even speak against God, or Christ himself and get away with it but not get away with badmouthing The Holy Spirit; i decided to do JUST that, and i went for sometime calling him a dirty spirit and every foul name i could think of.
was he off-ended? No, contrary to all my expectation, he stayed put,getting more "on-ended" than off, and i was further puzzled, and it was only when i stopped looking at the surface stuff and looked deeper that i began to "find" God.
Which is why i said this will hurt.
So, it begins, as usual with acknowledging that Goid does not make something out of nothing, so, if He did not come into my life because of the interference of THS, then why did He.
The answer lies in my name. I once asked Mom why i was called Tungamirai, and she told me that when i was born, my father wanted to call me "Tonderai" but an aunt of mine had had a son called by that name so she, my mom, demurred and decided i would be called by my current name. Now, the name Dad wanted means 'remember', but my resultant name means 'Lead', and because my mom was very sly, she very cleverly kicked my Dad in the balls by proposin such a name,since on the surface she "seemed" to be saying, "I want more sons, let this one be the first", while on the other hand, she was actually saying, "I would rather God lead him than let you lay any claim to him as yours", because, if you ask any Shoma speaking person, the One that is usually ascribed as being worthy to lead... is God, so anyone with the name "tungamirai", usually has the prefix Mwari- [ God] consciously or unconsciously tied into the name.
My mom, in other words, gave me to God.
Who took her seriously, and claimed me as His own.
Think that farfetched? Well, what did the first woman do? She had Cain, and rather than let Adam be the father, she said she had gotten the child from God, hence the name. THEN she gets another one, and to remove dfoubt about her contempt for her man, she said, "God is the Father", hence, "Ab-el", and guess what, the boy seemed to "gravitate" towards God and worship, so much so that Cain killed him.
Some thousands of years later, God was to say, "The firstborn son, who 'opens' the matrix, belongs to Me", and well, here comes the pinch, and while it may serve to explain a lot about me as well, it will also caise discomfort in many homes, but hey, the truth is the truth.
Now, any guy knows that he can get any woman if he plays his cards right, yes? it is simple, get a woman in a corner, convince with some argument, or override her arguments, and she is yours... but the downside is that you are never sure if it is you she wants, so, what happens when some day she is relaxed and you are talking and she tells you that she had already made up her mind about you months before you even opened your mouth, but she wanted to get you where she wanted you, at her feet? You are upset, of course, and while you can not strangle her because you love her, you decide there is pretty much "nothing" you can do to her, so, like an ingrown toe-nail, the anger eats its way inside of you, and well, everything does have to be flushed out sometime... so she shows the results nine months later, because THAT is the secret of parenthood.
unless of course the woman hates you, and the sex is one of convenience, in which case she shows after the trauma of birth, her true colours. Because birth is the one time women get to be stretched to the limit and forget to play possum, and she will call you all manner of filthy names in the process, and show her true colours at the same time, before she comes to her "senses" and decided to "live and let live"
What, therefore, does this have to do with me? Everything, because I got to pick God's brains, and found out that He got involved with me from my birth, and He has been watching over me as my Father, by default, from the time i was cast upon Him, which is why He has been so, "proprietorial" over me, and, this is also the reason why...as a direct offshoot, i will NEVER pursue a woman, but will always say, "Hey, I NEED to know where you stand, and you come out in the open, because i will never do any guesswork where you are concerned, since i do not want to ever have kids...knowing as i do that no one has children in love, but "out of love""
That is beside the fact that, while i like women, one will never satisfy me anyway, which is why i am looking at about eleven right now, although "one" is really a bit...OK, a lot... "iffy", since well, it has been almost nine months, and as soon as the nine months are up...in about a couple of weeks, i will, if there is no change for the better, have to scratch her off, and THEN i will leave no stone unturned to get my dough and go.
Like, for example, how true was my statement on the 25th that I love The Holy Spirit, because, honestly, one does NOT prefer death to having The Spirit of God residing in oneself, and call the battle for space, "love" or anything to do with the said emotion, or state of being.
So, i was up all night...eh, figuratively, and i was checking myself, and i came to the unshakeable conclusion that i actually dislike The Spirit of God, and do not actually want him in my life.
i mean, i am the guy who went "Hallelua!" when i read Christ's statement that all manner of sin would be forgiven man but blasphemy against The Spirit of God would never be forgiven, neither in this age nor in the one to come... and since he also said that one could even speak against God, or Christ himself and get away with it but not get away with badmouthing The Holy Spirit; i decided to do JUST that, and i went for sometime calling him a dirty spirit and every foul name i could think of.
was he off-ended? No, contrary to all my expectation, he stayed put,getting more "on-ended" than off, and i was further puzzled, and it was only when i stopped looking at the surface stuff and looked deeper that i began to "find" God.
Which is why i said this will hurt.
So, it begins, as usual with acknowledging that Goid does not make something out of nothing, so, if He did not come into my life because of the interference of THS, then why did He.
The answer lies in my name. I once asked Mom why i was called Tungamirai, and she told me that when i was born, my father wanted to call me "Tonderai" but an aunt of mine had had a son called by that name so she, my mom, demurred and decided i would be called by my current name. Now, the name Dad wanted means 'remember', but my resultant name means 'Lead', and because my mom was very sly, she very cleverly kicked my Dad in the balls by proposin such a name,since on the surface she "seemed" to be saying, "I want more sons, let this one be the first", while on the other hand, she was actually saying, "I would rather God lead him than let you lay any claim to him as yours", because, if you ask any Shoma speaking person, the One that is usually ascribed as being worthy to lead... is God, so anyone with the name "tungamirai", usually has the prefix Mwari- [ God] consciously or unconsciously tied into the name.
My mom, in other words, gave me to God.
Who took her seriously, and claimed me as His own.
Think that farfetched? Well, what did the first woman do? She had Cain, and rather than let Adam be the father, she said she had gotten the child from God, hence the name. THEN she gets another one, and to remove dfoubt about her contempt for her man, she said, "God is the Father", hence, "Ab-el", and guess what, the boy seemed to "gravitate" towards God and worship, so much so that Cain killed him.
Some thousands of years later, God was to say, "The firstborn son, who 'opens' the matrix, belongs to Me", and well, here comes the pinch, and while it may serve to explain a lot about me as well, it will also caise discomfort in many homes, but hey, the truth is the truth.
Now, any guy knows that he can get any woman if he plays his cards right, yes? it is simple, get a woman in a corner, convince with some argument, or override her arguments, and she is yours... but the downside is that you are never sure if it is you she wants, so, what happens when some day she is relaxed and you are talking and she tells you that she had already made up her mind about you months before you even opened your mouth, but she wanted to get you where she wanted you, at her feet? You are upset, of course, and while you can not strangle her because you love her, you decide there is pretty much "nothing" you can do to her, so, like an ingrown toe-nail, the anger eats its way inside of you, and well, everything does have to be flushed out sometime... so she shows the results nine months later, because THAT is the secret of parenthood.
unless of course the woman hates you, and the sex is one of convenience, in which case she shows after the trauma of birth, her true colours. Because birth is the one time women get to be stretched to the limit and forget to play possum, and she will call you all manner of filthy names in the process, and show her true colours at the same time, before she comes to her "senses" and decided to "live and let live"
What, therefore, does this have to do with me? Everything, because I got to pick God's brains, and found out that He got involved with me from my birth, and He has been watching over me as my Father, by default, from the time i was cast upon Him, which is why He has been so, "proprietorial" over me, and, this is also the reason why...as a direct offshoot, i will NEVER pursue a woman, but will always say, "Hey, I NEED to know where you stand, and you come out in the open, because i will never do any guesswork where you are concerned, since i do not want to ever have kids...knowing as i do that no one has children in love, but "out of love""
That is beside the fact that, while i like women, one will never satisfy me anyway, which is why i am looking at about eleven right now, although "one" is really a bit...OK, a lot... "iffy", since well, it has been almost nine months, and as soon as the nine months are up...in about a couple of weeks, i will, if there is no change for the better, have to scratch her off, and THEN i will leave no stone unturned to get my dough and go.
