So there I was, walking on the Sunday night towards my parents' home and I had reached the plot of land that was bought by my father for farming and it was dark and I was nerving myself to face the inevitable 'greeting' by both for trying to fit into a place where i did not want to be in and where I was not wanted, when God Almighty... happened. Silently. And I kept on walking on the road beside the plot, and We spoke volumes, more eloquent than any speech could have expressed.
My greeting of God Almighty, Creator of all Things was, surprisingly, "You are violating my personal space!". His was an equally emphatic, "You are violating MY personal space". He was not, however aggressive, but calm, impertubable, and against all my fighting instinct, I LISTENED... and backed down.
Then He greeted me in the tones, "Behold the man", meaning, "I see you", and I respectfully said, "I see YOU... LORD", and after that We both dealt with the problem that had brought Him to meet me.
I told Him that there were 'some' who would disagree with His "greeting" of me. He replied that there were some who would not 'see' Him as I did.
Hmmm, We both said, no longer 'facing' each other but facing the 'problem', Suppose We both could 'resolve' this to Our mutual 'benefit'. He said, " I will saddle you with My problems", and I said, "I can see where I could get rid of Your 'irritations', but MY problems are a bit over my head...they are 'human', and you see, humans have a habit of not changing"
The disapproval of my 'suggestion' was immediate. He 'told' me to look Him in His eyes... always.
And so I did, and realised the difference between what He said, "literally", and what He said absolutely.
It is for that reason that I have concluded that the only debt I owe my father and mother is to refrain from killing them. What they did 'for' me, they did not do to make me happy, but rather to chain me to themselves, for ever, and so I will 'honour' them by refusing to acknowledge their 'sacrifice' for me.
I do not disown them, I just let them go. I will have no ties to them. I am, from now on, my own master, and no man or woman will be my equal, or overlord. God invited me to look at Him like an equal, so I will honour that, and so, as I invited these ten women from the first time I met them; from the moment they entered my "kill zone", the question I ask mentally everytime I meet anyone is, "Do you presume to be my equal, or my better?"
Some let it ride, and pass on by, but some listen, and think, "Ha, this is a world where there are laws, police, that type of thing, so how dare you put yourself outside of the law.. and they try to 'show' me the error of my ways. And start a downward slide towards death.
Michelle, even up to today, has no idea that the reason she is still alive to this day is her daughter, who with sight unclouded by 'experience' in these matters, did something that made me refrain from taking matters into my own hands and dealing with her forcefully: She let me lift her up and she gave me a brief hug, on my neck, and she 'said' clear as a bell, Let her go, she does not know you, and I listened to her, and said, thank you, you gave me my dignity back. For that, I will do for you what you ask. I will look after you in the manner you meant: she can not look after you on her own, so I will make it so that you get your own funding, and I will shield you so that while I am here, no harm will befall you, and when I am gone, you will have no one to harm you...princess.
That was, incidentally, on the 18th of September, 2011, the day I decided to STOP being entangled by busy-body women. THAT was my Independence Day.
She ran interference for me, with her mother, always distracting her when she wanted to 'focus' on me, and the stupid woman never even noticed, and even when her friend got into it, and then her mother, when she wanted to waylay me on Saturday the 26th of May... as I walked to the train station, and met her at Fish Hoek Beach..even when her mother engaged her attention and started talking to her and smiled at her and distracted her, and begged me to look away from her...she did not consider the fact that everytime her daughter saw me and ran away, the reason was that she SAW who I was, and would not dare look me in my eyes...and she thought she could handle me.
I wanted so MUCH to kill her, but what this little lady did, the one who looked me in my eyes, straight at me and without flinching 'flinched' and drew back without any movement, what she did convinced me the one thing that nobody ever could do: Nobody can look me in my eyes and live. I had to release her, and look instead at her hair, and say, without my gaze leaving her face;but not staring directly at her 'life must be difficult for you... will you come with me... I am lonely, and do not want to break... a promise. You are free to choose, of course, but I...thank you... for turning away my anger. I can not leave you unprotected... but there... are... others. Would that be a problem with you...little one?
She did not respond silently, but she spoke in sweet Afrikaans to the kids who had...I kid you not... crouched motionless to the side of the road on hands and knees, so that they were 'away' from the woman but too 'low' for me to 'see' them. They unfroze, and immediately became normal kids, and I knew she was soothing my heart, and that is the moment I realised that the little fool was too smal a problem to matter, and I let her go.
By the way, the ones who saw are the ones who are called the 'obvious' fools...they either had 'unusual' hair, or complexions, or faces...and they are diastinct in one thing: they take NOTHING that normal people take for granted.
My greeting of God Almighty, Creator of all Things was, surprisingly, "You are violating my personal space!". His was an equally emphatic, "You are violating MY personal space". He was not, however aggressive, but calm, impertubable, and against all my fighting instinct, I LISTENED... and backed down.
Then He greeted me in the tones, "Behold the man", meaning, "I see you", and I respectfully said, "I see YOU... LORD", and after that We both dealt with the problem that had brought Him to meet me.
I told Him that there were 'some' who would disagree with His "greeting" of me. He replied that there were some who would not 'see' Him as I did.
Hmmm, We both said, no longer 'facing' each other but facing the 'problem', Suppose We both could 'resolve' this to Our mutual 'benefit'. He said, " I will saddle you with My problems", and I said, "I can see where I could get rid of Your 'irritations', but MY problems are a bit over my head...they are 'human', and you see, humans have a habit of not changing"
The disapproval of my 'suggestion' was immediate. He 'told' me to look Him in His eyes... always.
And so I did, and realised the difference between what He said, "literally", and what He said absolutely.
It is for that reason that I have concluded that the only debt I owe my father and mother is to refrain from killing them. What they did 'for' me, they did not do to make me happy, but rather to chain me to themselves, for ever, and so I will 'honour' them by refusing to acknowledge their 'sacrifice' for me.
I do not disown them, I just let them go. I will have no ties to them. I am, from now on, my own master, and no man or woman will be my equal, or overlord. God invited me to look at Him like an equal, so I will honour that, and so, as I invited these ten women from the first time I met them; from the moment they entered my "kill zone", the question I ask mentally everytime I meet anyone is, "Do you presume to be my equal, or my better?"
Some let it ride, and pass on by, but some listen, and think, "Ha, this is a world where there are laws, police, that type of thing, so how dare you put yourself outside of the law.. and they try to 'show' me the error of my ways. And start a downward slide towards death.
Michelle, even up to today, has no idea that the reason she is still alive to this day is her daughter, who with sight unclouded by 'experience' in these matters, did something that made me refrain from taking matters into my own hands and dealing with her forcefully: She let me lift her up and she gave me a brief hug, on my neck, and she 'said' clear as a bell, Let her go, she does not know you, and I listened to her, and said, thank you, you gave me my dignity back. For that, I will do for you what you ask. I will look after you in the manner you meant: she can not look after you on her own, so I will make it so that you get your own funding, and I will shield you so that while I am here, no harm will befall you, and when I am gone, you will have no one to harm you...princess.
That was, incidentally, on the 18th of September, 2011, the day I decided to STOP being entangled by busy-body women. THAT was my Independence Day.
She ran interference for me, with her mother, always distracting her when she wanted to 'focus' on me, and the stupid woman never even noticed, and even when her friend got into it, and then her mother, when she wanted to waylay me on Saturday the 26th of May... as I walked to the train station, and met her at Fish Hoek Beach..even when her mother engaged her attention and started talking to her and smiled at her and distracted her, and begged me to look away from her...she did not consider the fact that everytime her daughter saw me and ran away, the reason was that she SAW who I was, and would not dare look me in my eyes...and she thought she could handle me.
I wanted so MUCH to kill her, but what this little lady did, the one who looked me in my eyes, straight at me and without flinching 'flinched' and drew back without any movement, what she did convinced me the one thing that nobody ever could do: Nobody can look me in my eyes and live. I had to release her, and look instead at her hair, and say, without my gaze leaving her face;but not staring directly at her 'life must be difficult for you... will you come with me... I am lonely, and do not want to break... a promise. You are free to choose, of course, but I...thank you... for turning away my anger. I can not leave you unprotected... but there... are... others. Would that be a problem with you...little one?
She did not respond silently, but she spoke in sweet Afrikaans to the kids who had...I kid you not... crouched motionless to the side of the road on hands and knees, so that they were 'away' from the woman but too 'low' for me to 'see' them. They unfroze, and immediately became normal kids, and I knew she was soothing my heart, and that is the moment I realised that the little fool was too smal a problem to matter, and I let her go.
By the way, the ones who saw are the ones who are called the 'obvious' fools...they either had 'unusual' hair, or complexions, or faces...and they are diastinct in one thing: they take NOTHING that normal people take for granted.
