I remember how time seemed to stand still, and the noise of the slap echoed between the three of us as we all stood, stunned that it had actually happened. Or, more to the point, that I had stood by and LET it happen, and thus condemned both my parents.
For the "fight" between the two was really a means of drawing me out: which one, both said, do you choose. I reasoned that I had no NEED to choose either; they had both individually rejected me, in the most basic way possible; in speech.
My father NEVER called me by name, it was always either a derogatory nickname which made fun of my head: hence the suitability for use as a 'substitute' for my name, and my mother seemed to say she did not take me sriously, that I was just a baby, calling me, "Kungamiyai", because she could NOT say the 'hard', "T" sound or the "g" sound without revealing her bitterness that I was around. So when she goaded my father and he injected venom back, they were both saying, to me, "see what I have to put up with because of you?", and I did NOT see it at all. All I saw were two people arguing like vultures of dead meat.
Which is why, age eight or so, I just stood by and let them know I had pronounced them BOTH guilty. That whethere they were joking or not when they called me that name they did, I was judge and jury...and lord.
Which is what this girl saw on the 25th of May
... as she made to cross the road from Glencairn Height and, like one testing the water with her toe, decided it was too hot to try to cross yet, and politely waited till I had passed her, on the other side of the road, before stepping into the road and slowly crossing, till, as she got onto my side of the road, and behind and beneath me [it was at that incline up from the toliets by Glencairn Beach] she stopped...carefully, and I turned, just as carefully, and inquired why she had stopped me. She did not look "up" to me, but instead looked right into my eyes, without moving them at all, pointing out that she had been aware of me all the time. My "killing rage" was instantly switched off, and I looked into her eyes too, respectfully, and noticed, without taking my eyes of hers, how she had such interesting hair, golden, and stiff, and at the same time, I hinted that this would probably change colour, that maybe one day her white skin would grow bleached, or she would blush, and i would remember what I read in her eyes, and she would be worse off than she would have been had she NEVER stopped me, and I told her to go her own way, because she seemed to be something now, but could she weather the storm?
Politely, she told me that her hair NEVER cahnged, nor her complexion, and that, even should she be up close to me, her height [for she was tall] would never be a problem, and she hinted, by crossing her left leg in front of her right slightly [which should have shown her abject terror but instead by the squeezing of her legs together released her "female" smell] that all I would ever be aware off would be how "hot" she was. When I stood undecided, she said, eloquently, with her hands describing her 'arc' even as she showed her curvy ass, "I am still dressed!", and I stood back, contemplated her, and let her go her way, pleased with her.
9) I was curious about blondes, the following day, so when I saw this one come past, I stood aside to let her pass. She did not pause, as if to consider, then seem to accept while showing by the hesitation that she had rejected my offer, but instead, she walked calmly, slowly, her eyes fixed on mine, and, out of respect, I also looked into her eyes, and asked her if I could look at her ass.
She surprised me by asking me intead if she could REALLY pass. She was almost close enough for me to smell her, and I was tensing already, and scenting her, and I came up with...nothing. No body odour, no fear, no sweat...just nothing. I replied to her, of course, you can REALLY pass, I said so did I not? Then she seemed to relax, and she hinted, as she passed in front of me, by pointing to her small hand, that she really could not have "kept" me from seeing her ass, because her hands were not big enough. I did not accept that so I asked her if she would be interested in letting me touch her...someday, not now. She was about to step onto the street from the walkway, and she stumbled a bit, too contrived to be natural, to let me know she had been "thrown" by that, and of course she would be delighted...anytime. I asked her, what about your perfectly white hair? It may change colour someday and I would not find your face so interesting? She toldme that would never happen, and so, I believed her, and she pointed out too that the red-lipstick did not mean "ever-ready", nor was the height I had seen her first at her real height; she was wearing high heel shoes as a means of defence, so she was all mine, if I promised to be HER defence. I said of course, do you REALLY mean I can get to touch you anytime? She said she would be pleased, and I did not even have to ask because she was mine to command anyway.
10) She is the one that threw me. I was coming out of the fisherman's hut, at Longbeach, Simonstown, and going to fetch water, when I got this little demonstration. A small woman, with startling, shining hair, walked away from me, from that side of the beach near the toilets, and, instead of walking on the tarred road, she deliberately, without even a word spoken, led her two boys one ahead and one behind, in a small procession, wordlessly, and without even a verbal command, onto the thin shoulder of the beach between the admiral's wall and the road. One should look at it to see what I mean. I passed her on my left and turned my back on her, turning to the water tap on the showers. How she moved behind me, with two young boys, back to the beach, I do not know, but she did, and when I turned to go back to my place, she deliberately turned her back to me, ramrod straight, and said to me, I am not a threat. I knew she should be terrified of me, but all I saw was a nice figure, and as I passed her by, she turned, and gave me such an aware stare I was stopped for a moment. She pointed out that she knew that she was incontrol, and that she knew where I stayed, and she had prepared a place for me, if I wanted it, and I asked about the two kids and the man, and she said they would be gone. I wanted to question her further, but boy, you shoulf have seen her face. It was the kind which I would love to look at over and over, because everytime I look at it, I would be shocked, and drawn to looking. So I said, never mind the rest, just remain as you are. I would love it!
For the "fight" between the two was really a means of drawing me out: which one, both said, do you choose. I reasoned that I had no NEED to choose either; they had both individually rejected me, in the most basic way possible; in speech.
My father NEVER called me by name, it was always either a derogatory nickname which made fun of my head: hence the suitability for use as a 'substitute' for my name, and my mother seemed to say she did not take me sriously, that I was just a baby, calling me, "Kungamiyai", because she could NOT say the 'hard', "T" sound or the "g" sound without revealing her bitterness that I was around. So when she goaded my father and he injected venom back, they were both saying, to me, "see what I have to put up with because of you?", and I did NOT see it at all. All I saw were two people arguing like vultures of dead meat.
Which is why, age eight or so, I just stood by and let them know I had pronounced them BOTH guilty. That whethere they were joking or not when they called me that name they did, I was judge and jury...and lord.
Which is what this girl saw on the 25th of May
... as she made to cross the road from Glencairn Height and, like one testing the water with her toe, decided it was too hot to try to cross yet, and politely waited till I had passed her, on the other side of the road, before stepping into the road and slowly crossing, till, as she got onto my side of the road, and behind and beneath me [it was at that incline up from the toliets by Glencairn Beach] she stopped...carefully, and I turned, just as carefully, and inquired why she had stopped me. She did not look "up" to me, but instead looked right into my eyes, without moving them at all, pointing out that she had been aware of me all the time. My "killing rage" was instantly switched off, and I looked into her eyes too, respectfully, and noticed, without taking my eyes of hers, how she had such interesting hair, golden, and stiff, and at the same time, I hinted that this would probably change colour, that maybe one day her white skin would grow bleached, or she would blush, and i would remember what I read in her eyes, and she would be worse off than she would have been had she NEVER stopped me, and I told her to go her own way, because she seemed to be something now, but could she weather the storm?
Politely, she told me that her hair NEVER cahnged, nor her complexion, and that, even should she be up close to me, her height [for she was tall] would never be a problem, and she hinted, by crossing her left leg in front of her right slightly [which should have shown her abject terror but instead by the squeezing of her legs together released her "female" smell] that all I would ever be aware off would be how "hot" she was. When I stood undecided, she said, eloquently, with her hands describing her 'arc' even as she showed her curvy ass, "I am still dressed!", and I stood back, contemplated her, and let her go her way, pleased with her.
9) I was curious about blondes, the following day, so when I saw this one come past, I stood aside to let her pass. She did not pause, as if to consider, then seem to accept while showing by the hesitation that she had rejected my offer, but instead, she walked calmly, slowly, her eyes fixed on mine, and, out of respect, I also looked into her eyes, and asked her if I could look at her ass.
She surprised me by asking me intead if she could REALLY pass. She was almost close enough for me to smell her, and I was tensing already, and scenting her, and I came up with...nothing. No body odour, no fear, no sweat...just nothing. I replied to her, of course, you can REALLY pass, I said so did I not? Then she seemed to relax, and she hinted, as she passed in front of me, by pointing to her small hand, that she really could not have "kept" me from seeing her ass, because her hands were not big enough. I did not accept that so I asked her if she would be interested in letting me touch her...someday, not now. She was about to step onto the street from the walkway, and she stumbled a bit, too contrived to be natural, to let me know she had been "thrown" by that, and of course she would be delighted...anytime. I asked her, what about your perfectly white hair? It may change colour someday and I would not find your face so interesting? She toldme that would never happen, and so, I believed her, and she pointed out too that the red-lipstick did not mean "ever-ready", nor was the height I had seen her first at her real height; she was wearing high heel shoes as a means of defence, so she was all mine, if I promised to be HER defence. I said of course, do you REALLY mean I can get to touch you anytime? She said she would be pleased, and I did not even have to ask because she was mine to command anyway.
10) She is the one that threw me. I was coming out of the fisherman's hut, at Longbeach, Simonstown, and going to fetch water, when I got this little demonstration. A small woman, with startling, shining hair, walked away from me, from that side of the beach near the toilets, and, instead of walking on the tarred road, she deliberately, without even a word spoken, led her two boys one ahead and one behind, in a small procession, wordlessly, and without even a verbal command, onto the thin shoulder of the beach between the admiral's wall and the road. One should look at it to see what I mean. I passed her on my left and turned my back on her, turning to the water tap on the showers. How she moved behind me, with two young boys, back to the beach, I do not know, but she did, and when I turned to go back to my place, she deliberately turned her back to me, ramrod straight, and said to me, I am not a threat. I knew she should be terrified of me, but all I saw was a nice figure, and as I passed her by, she turned, and gave me such an aware stare I was stopped for a moment. She pointed out that she knew that she was incontrol, and that she knew where I stayed, and she had prepared a place for me, if I wanted it, and I asked about the two kids and the man, and she said they would be gone. I wanted to question her further, but boy, you shoulf have seen her face. It was the kind which I would love to look at over and over, because everytime I look at it, I would be shocked, and drawn to looking. So I said, never mind the rest, just remain as you are. I would love it!
