The reason why it just "happened" that I 'chose' these ten women does not have its roots in a discussion with God, but rather, with the psychologist girl.
When I first met her, she was accompanied by this tall strappling fellow student, and beside him she looked insignificant...too insignificant to be ignored, in fact, and she noticed that I picked up on that instantly.
Next time, she came alone, and despite the situation, never bothered offering sympathy to me, but skirted several issues, never once making direct comments, which had the effect she desired...it drew me out, because the non-questions were irritating me.
I began by casually mentioning that when I got to Valkenberg, I had been given a "physical" exam by the doctor on duty, and straight away she blocked me, saying that the guy was as "queer as...", and the phrase she used was so out of context with her I took it as meant, and ignored it, but I was irritated that she was ignoring the reason why I had mentioned the exam: something was wrong, seriously wrong, and she was adamant she did not want to hear it, and she proceeded to lay a trap for me, which, because it was sudden, and caught me unprepared, revealed me as myself to her. Afterwards, she backed down, and, the last time I saw her, she had grasped the point; I was not out to be examined, laid out and sorted out, because my life was mine, MINE. That is when she did a surprising thing. She stood to one side as I passed, and keeping her features carefully neutral, she bowed at the waist, and at the same time she put her left foot back, ever so slightly and lifted up her skirts, and I realised total surrender, and relaxed, slightly, as she realised that, unlike her, MY problem was not how to live among people, but how to live with God involved. The worst mistake any woman could make would be to be involved with me AND God...the Two do not mix.
So, she decided at that moment, that she would rather get by on my terms, because she did not want to be lonely, not anymore, not now that she had found someone who couls see through her and like her for it, someone who did not mind gazing at her face for long periods and keep looking at her over and over again.
Which is what got me interested in these other women:
6)She was on a train, and it was last summer, and when I got into the carriage, I sat across from her, and immediately I noticed her tense, because I picked up something too unnatural to be real. I looked at her face, and she seemed tanned, and yet her skin was so unblemished it was impossible for what I saw to be real. She also had eyes which were too light to go with the skin. Out of politeness, I looked aside, obviously, she did not want me to see what she was. I took out a book, and carefully, neutrally, leafed glanced at a page, and by so doing asked her if I could talk to her, because I was not sure I could "read" her. Just as carefully, without staring at me, but with her neck so tense she seemed terrified, she took away her ear-phones from her ears, put them in a bag, and took out a book, all without looking, and leafed through it without looking at it. She was telling me she could read me completely without having to look directly at me, and she wanted to assure me that she saw me clearly as well. I looked her full in the face, having had received her permission, and wondered how it was possible that she looked like she did without being obvious about it. She hinted that a demonstration would be better than all the words she could speak, if I would let her. Sure, I said, and when we got off at Simonstown, I went ahead and walked out, sure she would follow. She did, and she cut across in front of me, abruptly, and the funny thing was, she was just short enough, and slim enough, to be inconspicuous, even though her unusual pink skin would give her away to anone who "ought" to be looking. By cutting in-front of me and turning left towards the beach, she intimated that she "knew" where I had been intending to go [I worked out how later; I had given myself away when the train paused just outside the station, and made "light" conversation with her about how rare ants were crossing the tracks, so the train had to stop. Nonsense to anyone else, but she knew exactly what I meant]
So she went and lay on the beach, and in the blistering sun, she just arranged herself like a corpse, and closed her eyes. No one paid her the least attention. With her ear-phones, no one would look twice at her. They would pity her for being a "white" person trying to be black, and ignore the embarrasment, blank it out. Except for the fact that she lay too still, and thus showed her agony. I came and stood by her and tried to look her in the eye...she would not fall for it, but instead, said that if I did not pity her, then at least let her offer herself to me, and she lifted her right leg, bent it at the knee, and parted the legs, and thus, cunningly, appealed to my senses; because there was the full scent of a woman coming from between her legs, and I was hooked.
Hmmm, OK! And she left unobtrusively.
7) I saw her at Fish Hoek Library, the same day I saw the dishy blonde. The problem was that they both had the same colouring of hair, and I pointed this out to her thus; I approached the book-seller just outside the library, and said to her, "The last time I was hear, two months ago, there was a book on boxing here, I do not see it, maybe it was sold?" The woman, also blonde, knew what I was talking about, and she knew that I was hinting that she had acted as though nothing happened when Michelle's "boyfriend" showed up and humiliated me publicly, and now I was back, so what would she do about it.
The person I REALLY talked to listened, and she came closer and she did those acts that I described earlier, and she was all the time hinting not only that she was harmless and not a pretender, but that she was tired of being judged by her appearance by everyone, must I judge her too. I insisted that I needed a distinguishing feature, and she showed me her calves, which were perfect, when she passed me by. I was hooked on her too!
Then there are the three who looked me in my eye, and the last was definitely the one who put the matter to rest.
When I first met her, she was accompanied by this tall strappling fellow student, and beside him she looked insignificant...too insignificant to be ignored, in fact, and she noticed that I picked up on that instantly.
Next time, she came alone, and despite the situation, never bothered offering sympathy to me, but skirted several issues, never once making direct comments, which had the effect she desired...it drew me out, because the non-questions were irritating me.
I began by casually mentioning that when I got to Valkenberg, I had been given a "physical" exam by the doctor on duty, and straight away she blocked me, saying that the guy was as "queer as...", and the phrase she used was so out of context with her I took it as meant, and ignored it, but I was irritated that she was ignoring the reason why I had mentioned the exam: something was wrong, seriously wrong, and she was adamant she did not want to hear it, and she proceeded to lay a trap for me, which, because it was sudden, and caught me unprepared, revealed me as myself to her. Afterwards, she backed down, and, the last time I saw her, she had grasped the point; I was not out to be examined, laid out and sorted out, because my life was mine, MINE. That is when she did a surprising thing. She stood to one side as I passed, and keeping her features carefully neutral, she bowed at the waist, and at the same time she put her left foot back, ever so slightly and lifted up her skirts, and I realised total surrender, and relaxed, slightly, as she realised that, unlike her, MY problem was not how to live among people, but how to live with God involved. The worst mistake any woman could make would be to be involved with me AND God...the Two do not mix.
So, she decided at that moment, that she would rather get by on my terms, because she did not want to be lonely, not anymore, not now that she had found someone who couls see through her and like her for it, someone who did not mind gazing at her face for long periods and keep looking at her over and over again.
Which is what got me interested in these other women:
6)She was on a train, and it was last summer, and when I got into the carriage, I sat across from her, and immediately I noticed her tense, because I picked up something too unnatural to be real. I looked at her face, and she seemed tanned, and yet her skin was so unblemished it was impossible for what I saw to be real. She also had eyes which were too light to go with the skin. Out of politeness, I looked aside, obviously, she did not want me to see what she was. I took out a book, and carefully, neutrally, leafed glanced at a page, and by so doing asked her if I could talk to her, because I was not sure I could "read" her. Just as carefully, without staring at me, but with her neck so tense she seemed terrified, she took away her ear-phones from her ears, put them in a bag, and took out a book, all without looking, and leafed through it without looking at it. She was telling me she could read me completely without having to look directly at me, and she wanted to assure me that she saw me clearly as well. I looked her full in the face, having had received her permission, and wondered how it was possible that she looked like she did without being obvious about it. She hinted that a demonstration would be better than all the words she could speak, if I would let her. Sure, I said, and when we got off at Simonstown, I went ahead and walked out, sure she would follow. She did, and she cut across in front of me, abruptly, and the funny thing was, she was just short enough, and slim enough, to be inconspicuous, even though her unusual pink skin would give her away to anone who "ought" to be looking. By cutting in-front of me and turning left towards the beach, she intimated that she "knew" where I had been intending to go [I worked out how later; I had given myself away when the train paused just outside the station, and made "light" conversation with her about how rare ants were crossing the tracks, so the train had to stop. Nonsense to anyone else, but she knew exactly what I meant]
So she went and lay on the beach, and in the blistering sun, she just arranged herself like a corpse, and closed her eyes. No one paid her the least attention. With her ear-phones, no one would look twice at her. They would pity her for being a "white" person trying to be black, and ignore the embarrasment, blank it out. Except for the fact that she lay too still, and thus showed her agony. I came and stood by her and tried to look her in the eye...she would not fall for it, but instead, said that if I did not pity her, then at least let her offer herself to me, and she lifted her right leg, bent it at the knee, and parted the legs, and thus, cunningly, appealed to my senses; because there was the full scent of a woman coming from between her legs, and I was hooked.
Hmmm, OK! And she left unobtrusively.
7) I saw her at Fish Hoek Library, the same day I saw the dishy blonde. The problem was that they both had the same colouring of hair, and I pointed this out to her thus; I approached the book-seller just outside the library, and said to her, "The last time I was hear, two months ago, there was a book on boxing here, I do not see it, maybe it was sold?" The woman, also blonde, knew what I was talking about, and she knew that I was hinting that she had acted as though nothing happened when Michelle's "boyfriend" showed up and humiliated me publicly, and now I was back, so what would she do about it.
The person I REALLY talked to listened, and she came closer and she did those acts that I described earlier, and she was all the time hinting not only that she was harmless and not a pretender, but that she was tired of being judged by her appearance by everyone, must I judge her too. I insisted that I needed a distinguishing feature, and she showed me her calves, which were perfect, when she passed me by. I was hooked on her too!
Then there are the three who looked me in my eye, and the last was definitely the one who put the matter to rest.
