My approach to everything is somewhat unusual, but then, it is the manner of growing up that has made me so... unethical?... unconventional? in my approach to... confrontations;- if one takes the word at is bare meaning, i.e., 'face-to-face'
The best example is what happened in 1993, when I was in grade six, back home. Now, almost every weekend I went away from home because I could not stand my mother's presence, and she knew it, and could hardly go and complain to the aunts, uncles and such that I visited, since it would be wondered why she was so 'restrictive'. She swallowed it mostly, but then, one day, a schoolmate suggested that, since we were almost done with regular schoolwork [must have been toward year-end] we should go see this other teacher who lived quite a distance away from the neighbourhood we both stayed in.
Anything to delay going home, and so, we set off, and got back home quite late in the day, but before dark. My mother seized her chance. She immediately extracted that I had not been at the Library [I won, year-on-year, vouchers to browse at the city library and borrow books], and set off to tell a teacher she knew did not like me much, and who stayed in the area, and who, incidentally was the 'senior teacher', and he immediately pounced on it also, and the following morning, me and this guy were publicly whipped.
It was an educating experience: my mother would not come straight out and ask me why I did not want to be around her, not because of her guilt but because, as I later realised, of something she knew would happen if she asked:
I would tell her why
This senior teacher also did not really like me, not because I had ever been naughty or disrespectful, and he seized on a chance to humiliate me because I never asked questions, never tried to kiss up to him, and was, I suppose, openly contemptuous of him.
I remember the year before we had been having an end of year math exam, and there was this complex [at that time] problem relating to calculating surface area], and the teachers had concluded that it had no proper answer, and I had worked it out and raised my hand. The invigilator came over, saw I was pointing out to the question that had been marked as off limits, and he impatiently gestured to the substitute question on the blackboard. I stuck to my guns, and said the answer was there, and soon ahd a cluster of teachers around me as I showed it to them.
The one who had said there was no answer was the guy that was now enjoying pulling me down.
*****
So, when the time came for me to solve Goldbach's Conjecture, I initially wanted to do my mom a favour, give her the money and ...disappear.
She would love that. I would be a nuisance gone from her life, and she would have reaped the rewards for her 'suffering' me all these years.
I would even have gone through with it, but for the fact that, those days, I went religiously to the Gweru Memorial library, browsed through books and just lost myself amomg them.
On the way, there was this garage with this sleek Jaguar Sovereign that was this lime green colour and was going for Z$300,000.00, on sale because the country was getting too hot for the white people, and they were getting out while the going was not too bad. Then, the Zim dollar was 11:1 against the US dollar, and it was the beauty of this car that made me think selfish thoughts. For the first time in my life I wanted something for myself, and not for HER to gain... and the two were mutually incompatible.
So, I stalled, much to the consternation of both her and the glory-seeking Holy Spirit, who by that time had joined himself to me...by subterfuge of course, not by direct approach.
The time limit expired, and I thought THS would stop giving me grief and just go away, but did he? No, he went on trying to make me feel so insignificant on my own, and belittled everything I did, if I did it without him, that, honestly, all I longed for was revenge. Yet he never once tried to answer whne I asked what HE wanted in my life?
He knew that a direct answer would show he had no grounds to be near me, or even to be wielding the whip over me that he wielded. So he always put the blame on others, and pointed out others as being the cause of my grief, or my mistakes as hampering me, when in effect HE was the asshole I wanted out of my life.
Of course, Michelle, brought it all to a head, because NO ONE in my whole life has so irritated me as she has, and after her public humiliation of me, and then, when I refused to blame the little imp she sent as her dirty-work errand boy, and pinned the blame on her and promised her I would get my own back... she then sent me the message "Prince, where is your love? Why are you so angry..."
So,I dug in my heels: I was not going anywhere till I sorted out this trash, because, unlike anyone else in the world, I have no interest in being 'buddy' with anyone, and my creed was: "I never bothered you, I tried my best to keep you out of my life, but you persisted and ignored every one of the warning signs: Now nothing will satisfy me but to get FULL retribution".
But then, my 'selfless' life became rather 'selfish', when I saw these gorgeous ten women I wrote of, and I WANTED them, and so, that is how I have started pulling myself out of the gutter and am now getting ready to start living my own life.
And you know what I liked about these women...everyone of them? Not even a single one of them tried the subterfuge thing with me... they took themselves right up to me and showed themselves as themselves...not their asses or their other advantages; they did not give me advice and invite me to places that showed their presumed superiority over me, nor did they seek to use others to show themselves off to better advantage.
I di not have to ask to see their faces... had Michelle's appraocah to me been face to face, I would have rejected her out of hand, because she is not 'my type'. Her face is one that I would normally shy away from, not one I would enjoy looking at, and she saw that.
But she thought there was a back-door policy.
NOT with me!
The best example is what happened in 1993, when I was in grade six, back home. Now, almost every weekend I went away from home because I could not stand my mother's presence, and she knew it, and could hardly go and complain to the aunts, uncles and such that I visited, since it would be wondered why she was so 'restrictive'. She swallowed it mostly, but then, one day, a schoolmate suggested that, since we were almost done with regular schoolwork [must have been toward year-end] we should go see this other teacher who lived quite a distance away from the neighbourhood we both stayed in.
Anything to delay going home, and so, we set off, and got back home quite late in the day, but before dark. My mother seized her chance. She immediately extracted that I had not been at the Library [I won, year-on-year, vouchers to browse at the city library and borrow books], and set off to tell a teacher she knew did not like me much, and who stayed in the area, and who, incidentally was the 'senior teacher', and he immediately pounced on it also, and the following morning, me and this guy were publicly whipped.
It was an educating experience: my mother would not come straight out and ask me why I did not want to be around her, not because of her guilt but because, as I later realised, of something she knew would happen if she asked:
I would tell her why
This senior teacher also did not really like me, not because I had ever been naughty or disrespectful, and he seized on a chance to humiliate me because I never asked questions, never tried to kiss up to him, and was, I suppose, openly contemptuous of him.
I remember the year before we had been having an end of year math exam, and there was this complex [at that time] problem relating to calculating surface area], and the teachers had concluded that it had no proper answer, and I had worked it out and raised my hand. The invigilator came over, saw I was pointing out to the question that had been marked as off limits, and he impatiently gestured to the substitute question on the blackboard. I stuck to my guns, and said the answer was there, and soon ahd a cluster of teachers around me as I showed it to them.
The one who had said there was no answer was the guy that was now enjoying pulling me down.
*****
So, when the time came for me to solve Goldbach's Conjecture, I initially wanted to do my mom a favour, give her the money and ...disappear.
She would love that. I would be a nuisance gone from her life, and she would have reaped the rewards for her 'suffering' me all these years.
I would even have gone through with it, but for the fact that, those days, I went religiously to the Gweru Memorial library, browsed through books and just lost myself amomg them.
On the way, there was this garage with this sleek Jaguar Sovereign that was this lime green colour and was going for Z$300,000.00, on sale because the country was getting too hot for the white people, and they were getting out while the going was not too bad. Then, the Zim dollar was 11:1 against the US dollar, and it was the beauty of this car that made me think selfish thoughts. For the first time in my life I wanted something for myself, and not for HER to gain... and the two were mutually incompatible.
So, I stalled, much to the consternation of both her and the glory-seeking Holy Spirit, who by that time had joined himself to me...by subterfuge of course, not by direct approach.
The time limit expired, and I thought THS would stop giving me grief and just go away, but did he? No, he went on trying to make me feel so insignificant on my own, and belittled everything I did, if I did it without him, that, honestly, all I longed for was revenge. Yet he never once tried to answer whne I asked what HE wanted in my life?
He knew that a direct answer would show he had no grounds to be near me, or even to be wielding the whip over me that he wielded. So he always put the blame on others, and pointed out others as being the cause of my grief, or my mistakes as hampering me, when in effect HE was the asshole I wanted out of my life.
Of course, Michelle, brought it all to a head, because NO ONE in my whole life has so irritated me as she has, and after her public humiliation of me, and then, when I refused to blame the little imp she sent as her dirty-work errand boy, and pinned the blame on her and promised her I would get my own back... she then sent me the message "Prince, where is your love? Why are you so angry..."
So,I dug in my heels: I was not going anywhere till I sorted out this trash, because, unlike anyone else in the world, I have no interest in being 'buddy' with anyone, and my creed was: "I never bothered you, I tried my best to keep you out of my life, but you persisted and ignored every one of the warning signs: Now nothing will satisfy me but to get FULL retribution".
But then, my 'selfless' life became rather 'selfish', when I saw these gorgeous ten women I wrote of, and I WANTED them, and so, that is how I have started pulling myself out of the gutter and am now getting ready to start living my own life.
And you know what I liked about these women...everyone of them? Not even a single one of them tried the subterfuge thing with me... they took themselves right up to me and showed themselves as themselves...not their asses or their other advantages; they did not give me advice and invite me to places that showed their presumed superiority over me, nor did they seek to use others to show themselves off to better advantage.
I di not have to ask to see their faces... had Michelle's appraocah to me been face to face, I would have rejected her out of hand, because she is not 'my type'. Her face is one that I would normally shy away from, not one I would enjoy looking at, and she saw that.
But she thought there was a back-door policy.
NOT with me!
