I have been reading the biography of Bob Marley, and am at the part where his boyhood is being viewed in retrospect. What reached out and grabbed me by the balls was that a teacher of his said ' he was shy, if he was not certain he was right, he wouldn't always try. In fact, he hated to get answers wrong, so sometimes you really have to draw the answers out of him. And give him a clap- he liked that, the attention' {BOB MARLEY THE UNTOLD STORY}. This after the author said he blamed his mother for abandoning him.
I guess that explains why I am never a solid man. Im mean, it strikes ME as surprising that I never do anything unless I am sure God is behind it, and even then I do not take any solace in the fact that yesterday He may have said something, and thus relax. I always try to find out whether He is with me now, whether this is OK with Him, and what does He say about THIS. And if I am even a little lost, I get confused, because I am afraid He has abandoned me, and that He is going somewhere else, and so, I am then ready to just deflate, and die, because without Him, I am nothing. I do not trust even myself, and even the 'obvious' does not make me happy, or force me to draw conclusions, because I am permanently attached to God's goodwill.
He always says, "I am starting with the man in the mirror", to make me realise that what I see is what I want, and even then, I have to search carefully, and still, sometimes, I come against things that are totally contrary to what He commands His followers to do, and observe, and I am stumped, but then seek His face again, as He shows me that He does not regard me as a follower of His, but as Himself.
The other day, I said that He said, "Heaven and earth are Mine", but He actually said," Heaven and earth IS Mine", showing that to Him there was no 'distinction' between the two
So, it is with great relief that I have finally figured out which ten women He/and I, have both looked at and liked. As satisfying everything we could require, in women.
And as also...how do you put it...IN YOUR FACE?
1-3) these were obvious, and consistently so...the Dutch girl and the two Castle girls.
My take on these was that I am like The Ogre, Shrek, who, when he saw the cat sent to assasinate him, he could not get over the fact that this was a 'cute cat' with adorable little eyes, and he stubbornly refused to take offence, and could not grasp the fact that the cat had a sword, and claws, and a fearsome reputation.
Unlike the ogre, I wanted to focus on the sword, but have decided that if I try to do so, I am NOW a liar. The same applies to the rest of them. Doesn't really matter what their pasts were, I just liked them on sight, and found them quite 'cute'.
1)Michelle's friend.Now, I am still going to kill her brother if he doesn't leave, but hey, she is a stunner, that one, and I would say I fell for her from the start, but I am incapable of falling, so I liked her and became quite blind where she is concerned, from the word go.
2) The sexy 'divorcee'.Her face, so white against her black attire, made the fact that she was wearing those tights in broad daylight quite irrelevant, and all I could see was how sexy she was, and is.AND SO 'VULNERABLE', in a good way, of course.
3)Remember the girl I said two days ago was quite attractive?And made me feel like a collector? Well, she has these amazing large blue eyes, is slim, brown haired, English nose, delicate feautures, tall, and, well, I could not keep my eyes off her, wedding ring not withstanding, and what I liked was the fact that she seemed to love it. Whenever someone spoke as she strolled around, looking at the posters, she would look up to me, to see if it was me, and I felt more and more like putting my face next to hers and kissing that inviting mouth, and ...well, I was quite possessive from the word go.
4)Yesterday, on my way to the library,I saw this golden-haired blonde girl, with yellow/gold jersey, standing next to this fat guy as they both watched somebody try to pass the driving test in that building next to the library, and when I saw her, I stopped, and started looking to see what her face really looked like, because she was half truned from me, and she was loooking at this guy in the face, and he was, as I could see, mentally masturbating, while she probably put up with it because that was 'a fact of life', and he must have been a driving instructor or something, who got his kicks out of getting at girls because he was too fat to get them the stand-up way.
She turned, and the only thing I can NOT stand in any woman [make-up] was not there. So I knew she was not also playing the game, she was a victim, not a player.
5)Some time ago, this woman, also dressed formally, like the number 3) girl, in trousers and jacket, came to the library, had blond hair, and was a bit uncertain. When the woman who sells books remarked that there was no one there but 'this gentleman waiting for the net', she looked at me, although the bookseller had NOT seen me and as I came in, and there was the other old guy huddled in the corner, and I realised that this was a true sheep among wolves, and I liked her even further, since she thought 'gentleman' meant me. So how could I be anything but gentle, to her?
6)Yesterday, again, but at the beach, these two women stunned me. The first was a girl in dark, tarnslucent top,with black jersey, black tights startling black hair, and shoulder length,white face, and curves and bust that I admired. She smiled nervously as we passed, [there was a Xhosa girl, but ...long story] and I loved her face. When I ditched the importunate Xhosa girl, she was on her way back, and she was afraid of a little dog that the second crew had, and i realised that here was someone with self-confidense issues, and I liked her even more, especially her curves.
7) this one was wearing a dress that I could call a kimono, and she had her hair tied back in a bun, and everything about her screamed sexy, and I loved it, despite the dogs and the two others with her.
I am calling these to me!
I guess that explains why I am never a solid man. Im mean, it strikes ME as surprising that I never do anything unless I am sure God is behind it, and even then I do not take any solace in the fact that yesterday He may have said something, and thus relax. I always try to find out whether He is with me now, whether this is OK with Him, and what does He say about THIS. And if I am even a little lost, I get confused, because I am afraid He has abandoned me, and that He is going somewhere else, and so, I am then ready to just deflate, and die, because without Him, I am nothing. I do not trust even myself, and even the 'obvious' does not make me happy, or force me to draw conclusions, because I am permanently attached to God's goodwill.
He always says, "I am starting with the man in the mirror", to make me realise that what I see is what I want, and even then, I have to search carefully, and still, sometimes, I come against things that are totally contrary to what He commands His followers to do, and observe, and I am stumped, but then seek His face again, as He shows me that He does not regard me as a follower of His, but as Himself.
The other day, I said that He said, "Heaven and earth are Mine", but He actually said," Heaven and earth IS Mine", showing that to Him there was no 'distinction' between the two
So, it is with great relief that I have finally figured out which ten women He/and I, have both looked at and liked. As satisfying everything we could require, in women.
And as also...how do you put it...IN YOUR FACE?
1-3) these were obvious, and consistently so...the Dutch girl and the two Castle girls.
My take on these was that I am like The Ogre, Shrek, who, when he saw the cat sent to assasinate him, he could not get over the fact that this was a 'cute cat' with adorable little eyes, and he stubbornly refused to take offence, and could not grasp the fact that the cat had a sword, and claws, and a fearsome reputation.
Unlike the ogre, I wanted to focus on the sword, but have decided that if I try to do so, I am NOW a liar. The same applies to the rest of them. Doesn't really matter what their pasts were, I just liked them on sight, and found them quite 'cute'.
1)Michelle's friend.Now, I am still going to kill her brother if he doesn't leave, but hey, she is a stunner, that one, and I would say I fell for her from the start, but I am incapable of falling, so I liked her and became quite blind where she is concerned, from the word go.
2) The sexy 'divorcee'.Her face, so white against her black attire, made the fact that she was wearing those tights in broad daylight quite irrelevant, and all I could see was how sexy she was, and is.AND SO 'VULNERABLE', in a good way, of course.
3)Remember the girl I said two days ago was quite attractive?And made me feel like a collector? Well, she has these amazing large blue eyes, is slim, brown haired, English nose, delicate feautures, tall, and, well, I could not keep my eyes off her, wedding ring not withstanding, and what I liked was the fact that she seemed to love it. Whenever someone spoke as she strolled around, looking at the posters, she would look up to me, to see if it was me, and I felt more and more like putting my face next to hers and kissing that inviting mouth, and ...well, I was quite possessive from the word go.
4)Yesterday, on my way to the library,I saw this golden-haired blonde girl, with yellow/gold jersey, standing next to this fat guy as they both watched somebody try to pass the driving test in that building next to the library, and when I saw her, I stopped, and started looking to see what her face really looked like, because she was half truned from me, and she was loooking at this guy in the face, and he was, as I could see, mentally masturbating, while she probably put up with it because that was 'a fact of life', and he must have been a driving instructor or something, who got his kicks out of getting at girls because he was too fat to get them the stand-up way.
She turned, and the only thing I can NOT stand in any woman [make-up] was not there. So I knew she was not also playing the game, she was a victim, not a player.
5)Some time ago, this woman, also dressed formally, like the number 3) girl, in trousers and jacket, came to the library, had blond hair, and was a bit uncertain. When the woman who sells books remarked that there was no one there but 'this gentleman waiting for the net', she looked at me, although the bookseller had NOT seen me and as I came in, and there was the other old guy huddled in the corner, and I realised that this was a true sheep among wolves, and I liked her even further, since she thought 'gentleman' meant me. So how could I be anything but gentle, to her?
6)Yesterday, again, but at the beach, these two women stunned me. The first was a girl in dark, tarnslucent top,with black jersey, black tights startling black hair, and shoulder length,white face, and curves and bust that I admired. She smiled nervously as we passed, [there was a Xhosa girl, but ...long story] and I loved her face. When I ditched the importunate Xhosa girl, she was on her way back, and she was afraid of a little dog that the second crew had, and i realised that here was someone with self-confidense issues, and I liked her even more, especially her curves.
7) this one was wearing a dress that I could call a kimono, and she had her hair tied back in a bun, and everything about her screamed sexy, and I loved it, despite the dogs and the two others with her.
I am calling these to me!
