It took me a long time to get to this point, but there has been an undeniable consistency and coherence in the manner of God's peculiar behaviour with me, so much so that, for background purposes, I have to let it all show, as it was, without my then prejudices clouding the issues.
Then maybe, it may be 'seen' just why certain things that are held as sacrosanct, like the so called trinity, Christ's lordship, and God's unchanging 'love' for people, really do not hold water.
So, as I said, God 'met' me when I was on my way back to my parents' to pay homage to my mother, because that was the acceptable thing, and from then on my life was radically altered, because the burden of convention that would have forced me to grit my teeth and do what I really had no intention to do was lifted, and there were no barriers placed before me.
Till I stupidly opened my mouth, told people what had happened [God had meant it privately; I took it the wrong way, because I also assumed that His 'advent' in my life was a signal to stop trying to be 'peculiar' and follow Christ's roadmap] and thus alerted The Holy Spirit, demons and even people that here, yet again was God doing something that they had not anticipated, like the time He ignored everyone and gave Nebuchadnezzar the dream about the stone which smashed the statue [which curiously, means...me, and Him:I am from a country called the house of stone, and El-Shaddai means "The Mighty One of the Mountain", do you know that Christ is NOT the son-of-man that he claims to be, since he did not have a man as his father? So, therefore, the OTHER dream about the 'Ancient of Days' and the one who came 'down' clothed with a cloud, i.e., literally naked or exposed, since a cloud does not really have 'substance'...well, that also had NOTHING to do with Christ, who claimed later that 'all authority in heaven and on earth had been given to [him]', when in effect, God never goes on holiday, and all authority is His, and He is directly involved unless He rejects people and then gives them up...but never lets go the helm. So it is a fool who thinks He is allowing anyone to 'take over' from Him: Do you know WHY He rested on the seventh day?
Because the man asked for a woman so he also could be like the animals, having sex.
This so disrupted God's plan that He went away from His work and took time off to 'compose' Himself... so any fool who thinks marriage and parenthood is God's WILL is in for a rude awakening]
Anyway, The Holy Spirit started striving with me, showing me just how wrong it was for me to be me, and what I would be missing if I did not follow the trend. At that time, @ Thornhill High, there was a revival of the Scripture Union, and, when one day I would not go, but only later went because the alternative was to stay and be quizzed by the Physics teacher about why I was so gloomy, I got there to catch the tail-end of the 'presence of The Holy Spirit', a sweet feeling that at the same time reminded me that I could have gotten plenty more if I was not so stubborn. Yet God said that he also is but dust, and his days would never be less than 120years. If God said it, then it stands, but if he meant man, then no one would die before 120years.So, it definitely is THS God meant.
At 19, I decided to say, up yours, Holy Spirit, and went and had sex... with a prostitute. Unprotected. And found a good, self-destructive way of trying to get THS off my back.
He, who is supposed to 'guide people into all truth' according to Christ, refused to accept the facts, and did some verbal gymnastics that left me baffled, till, gradually I realised that the only key to finding out the truth was to take ONLY God at His word, and NOT ignore my own inclinations.
But, as I mentioned, it was not easy, especially when He said, as I tried to find the truth, and floundered; "Be Yourself", and I had no idea what that could be.
Anyway, I found that the major obstacle to any freedom to be me was my mother, who would not give me space, and so, I took it inot my head to get involved with this girl who was a single mother, just so that I could have a 'substitute' who would let me have freer room...my mother would then have to back off, right?
She did absolutely NOTHING of the kind. She would rather get this, to quote her words 'dog tied to its post' re-tied, than lose the son she educated so that he could look after her.
Unfortunately, the girl I used to try to get my mom off my back also showed her colours, because when the big blow-up happened, and I was now seriously put out with my mother so blatantly disregarding me I wanted to make it physical...she encouraged me to 'go and make peace' with her since she also understood how it felt to be a mother.
She spoke to me the night before. Come morning, I went up to my parents', sidelined my mother, and invited three of my sisters, who were at home, to come see my place.
God, meanwhile, that night, had rolled up His sleeves and gone to pay the girl a visit,and in a vision showed her my sisters and myself as she would see us the following day, 'exactly as we were dressed', and then He showed her a giant black bottle, higher than the houses, with a cross beside it, and the place He showed her happened to be the place where I had had my first sexual experiences.
The cross, she said, became so bright she fell on her face, wondering, "Is Christ coming again already?".
It was only after getting Christ and The Holy Spirit out of my system that I was able to conclusively say that what God had meant was this, Both me, and Him, are very 'cross' with women. The black bottle represented, not illness or sickness as I initially thought, but bitterness.
bitterness that women exist, on His part, and bitterness that women want to control me, on my part.
Which may explain why the only way it is possible for me to get back on track is to have those who, from the word go, respect and let me be. The ten.
And why God leaves them in my hands, and did not ever talk directly to women, unless the man abdicated His role, and responsibility, because the woman was made for the man, and exists FOR the man.
Then maybe, it may be 'seen' just why certain things that are held as sacrosanct, like the so called trinity, Christ's lordship, and God's unchanging 'love' for people, really do not hold water.
So, as I said, God 'met' me when I was on my way back to my parents' to pay homage to my mother, because that was the acceptable thing, and from then on my life was radically altered, because the burden of convention that would have forced me to grit my teeth and do what I really had no intention to do was lifted, and there were no barriers placed before me.
Till I stupidly opened my mouth, told people what had happened [God had meant it privately; I took it the wrong way, because I also assumed that His 'advent' in my life was a signal to stop trying to be 'peculiar' and follow Christ's roadmap] and thus alerted The Holy Spirit, demons and even people that here, yet again was God doing something that they had not anticipated, like the time He ignored everyone and gave Nebuchadnezzar the dream about the stone which smashed the statue [which curiously, means...me, and Him:I am from a country called the house of stone, and El-Shaddai means "The Mighty One of the Mountain", do you know that Christ is NOT the son-of-man that he claims to be, since he did not have a man as his father? So, therefore, the OTHER dream about the 'Ancient of Days' and the one who came 'down' clothed with a cloud, i.e., literally naked or exposed, since a cloud does not really have 'substance'...well, that also had NOTHING to do with Christ, who claimed later that 'all authority in heaven and on earth had been given to [him]', when in effect, God never goes on holiday, and all authority is His, and He is directly involved unless He rejects people and then gives them up...but never lets go the helm. So it is a fool who thinks He is allowing anyone to 'take over' from Him: Do you know WHY He rested on the seventh day?
Because the man asked for a woman so he also could be like the animals, having sex.
This so disrupted God's plan that He went away from His work and took time off to 'compose' Himself... so any fool who thinks marriage and parenthood is God's WILL is in for a rude awakening]
Anyway, The Holy Spirit started striving with me, showing me just how wrong it was for me to be me, and what I would be missing if I did not follow the trend. At that time, @ Thornhill High, there was a revival of the Scripture Union, and, when one day I would not go, but only later went because the alternative was to stay and be quizzed by the Physics teacher about why I was so gloomy, I got there to catch the tail-end of the 'presence of The Holy Spirit', a sweet feeling that at the same time reminded me that I could have gotten plenty more if I was not so stubborn. Yet God said that he also is but dust, and his days would never be less than 120years. If God said it, then it stands, but if he meant man, then no one would die before 120years.So, it definitely is THS God meant.
At 19, I decided to say, up yours, Holy Spirit, and went and had sex... with a prostitute. Unprotected. And found a good, self-destructive way of trying to get THS off my back.
He, who is supposed to 'guide people into all truth' according to Christ, refused to accept the facts, and did some verbal gymnastics that left me baffled, till, gradually I realised that the only key to finding out the truth was to take ONLY God at His word, and NOT ignore my own inclinations.
But, as I mentioned, it was not easy, especially when He said, as I tried to find the truth, and floundered; "Be Yourself", and I had no idea what that could be.
Anyway, I found that the major obstacle to any freedom to be me was my mother, who would not give me space, and so, I took it inot my head to get involved with this girl who was a single mother, just so that I could have a 'substitute' who would let me have freer room...my mother would then have to back off, right?
She did absolutely NOTHING of the kind. She would rather get this, to quote her words 'dog tied to its post' re-tied, than lose the son she educated so that he could look after her.
Unfortunately, the girl I used to try to get my mom off my back also showed her colours, because when the big blow-up happened, and I was now seriously put out with my mother so blatantly disregarding me I wanted to make it physical...she encouraged me to 'go and make peace' with her since she also understood how it felt to be a mother.
She spoke to me the night before. Come morning, I went up to my parents', sidelined my mother, and invited three of my sisters, who were at home, to come see my place.
God, meanwhile, that night, had rolled up His sleeves and gone to pay the girl a visit,and in a vision showed her my sisters and myself as she would see us the following day, 'exactly as we were dressed', and then He showed her a giant black bottle, higher than the houses, with a cross beside it, and the place He showed her happened to be the place where I had had my first sexual experiences.
The cross, she said, became so bright she fell on her face, wondering, "Is Christ coming again already?".
It was only after getting Christ and The Holy Spirit out of my system that I was able to conclusively say that what God had meant was this, Both me, and Him, are very 'cross' with women. The black bottle represented, not illness or sickness as I initially thought, but bitterness.
bitterness that women exist, on His part, and bitterness that women want to control me, on my part.
Which may explain why the only way it is possible for me to get back on track is to have those who, from the word go, respect and let me be. The ten.
And why God leaves them in my hands, and did not ever talk directly to women, unless the man abdicated His role, and responsibility, because the woman was made for the man, and exists FOR the man.
