After years of self-hate, even I had to admit that my mother had it wrong, and that there was more to me than just an above above extraordinary intellect... there was a certain...indestructability in me that made it impossible for me to even succeed in self-destructive delusion.
So, I left home... and things started happening. While still under my parents' wing, I had been limited, but when I came out...on my own, after realising that there would be no satisfaction in taking matters into my own hands and meting out the short, painless revenge I wanted to...I put it all behind me, for leisurely sorting out, and started to stretch my wings.
I started by seeking shelter under prominent people, and then, slowly realised that they could not contain me, they were too...little, and finally, after trying subversive warfare against The Holy Spirit, and getting him to backtrack and fumble and show that his 'dominion' was a self-made one, I decided to seize the bull by the horns and just toss every other authority aside, because, naturally, I am THE authority on earth.
Did God not say He had given me a 'companion, my own soul'? Meaning that I had an immutable, indomitable, domineering, and unrelenting grasp; what I want, I take, what I do not want, no one can make me take, and no one can stand in my path when I get on the move.
So, get on the move I did...or started to. Because, part of me wanted to make friends with people, and so, I approached Obama, to tell him the wonderful news that I was here to destroy civilisation as he understood it, and he would be useful in that regard.
The ungrateful son of a bitch sent me a second e-mail that literlly told me that America was for the Americans [are there PURE Americans, I wonder? Or was his a proselyte's complex... the need to be more Roman than the Romans in order to fit in?]
Anyway, he helped remove the cobwebs in my mind about what needed to be done, because I had no idea just how it would have been possible for him to prepare a place for me, when I had cause to dislike him already and wanted no face to face meeting with him.
The thing is, all along I had relied on people to make way for me, to agree to be made like cattle for the slaughter, because I had absolutely NO way to enforce the change I so seriously needed.
I was stumped, of course, because on one hand, God does not lie, but on the other hand, people will never let me do as I please.
I wondered if this was like the mythical torture of Tantalus... on one hand, his feet are in water and yet, when he bends down to drink, the water recedes, and all he has is dry earth. Above him there is an apple tree, with an apple, but when he stretches his hand, the apple just eludes him.
Now, what would someone like me do then, if placed in an impossible situation like this? One I can not get out of? Or ignore?
I would have to think outside the box, then, yes? Realise that my ONLY provider in all these cases is God, that since I have never given anyone a second glance to begin with, why start now, trying to see things from others' point of view? A view I have rejected from the beginning.
So, I came, or have come, to my senses. I have decided to let God know that I have worked out His way of doing things, His reason for letting me be me, that I do not want Him to stop being Himself so that I can be at ease, nor disregard His mercy towrds me. And I do it thusly, because, when all is said and done, I HATE the situation I am in, and want to be unrestricted by any creature:
Abba, Father, You are The Almighty, and all things are Yours, and all the power is Yours.
You alone can effect the change I need in order to find space for myself.
You have lived up to all Your promises, and never once have I found fault in Your word.
Just as at that time when I prayed to You in Zimbabwe, and You answered, "to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God "
Since at all times, You are the Alpha, and the Omega, and as You have been with me in private, I now ask You to be with me publicly, that all may know that it is not MY thing, that I am not alone, but You are the Power, and the Author of all things, and You are claiming the earth for Yourself, not for anyone else.
Take the earth for Yourself, and give me a place to rest, because Your promise to me was that I would have a place to rest for myself.
And bring my ten women to me, for it is not in me to seek anything for myself for my own good. Amen.
So, I left home... and things started happening. While still under my parents' wing, I had been limited, but when I came out...on my own, after realising that there would be no satisfaction in taking matters into my own hands and meting out the short, painless revenge I wanted to...I put it all behind me, for leisurely sorting out, and started to stretch my wings.
I started by seeking shelter under prominent people, and then, slowly realised that they could not contain me, they were too...little, and finally, after trying subversive warfare against The Holy Spirit, and getting him to backtrack and fumble and show that his 'dominion' was a self-made one, I decided to seize the bull by the horns and just toss every other authority aside, because, naturally, I am THE authority on earth.
Did God not say He had given me a 'companion, my own soul'? Meaning that I had an immutable, indomitable, domineering, and unrelenting grasp; what I want, I take, what I do not want, no one can make me take, and no one can stand in my path when I get on the move.
So, get on the move I did...or started to. Because, part of me wanted to make friends with people, and so, I approached Obama, to tell him the wonderful news that I was here to destroy civilisation as he understood it, and he would be useful in that regard.
The ungrateful son of a bitch sent me a second e-mail that literlly told me that America was for the Americans [are there PURE Americans, I wonder? Or was his a proselyte's complex... the need to be more Roman than the Romans in order to fit in?]
Anyway, he helped remove the cobwebs in my mind about what needed to be done, because I had no idea just how it would have been possible for him to prepare a place for me, when I had cause to dislike him already and wanted no face to face meeting with him.
The thing is, all along I had relied on people to make way for me, to agree to be made like cattle for the slaughter, because I had absolutely NO way to enforce the change I so seriously needed.
I was stumped, of course, because on one hand, God does not lie, but on the other hand, people will never let me do as I please.
I wondered if this was like the mythical torture of Tantalus... on one hand, his feet are in water and yet, when he bends down to drink, the water recedes, and all he has is dry earth. Above him there is an apple tree, with an apple, but when he stretches his hand, the apple just eludes him.
Now, what would someone like me do then, if placed in an impossible situation like this? One I can not get out of? Or ignore?
I would have to think outside the box, then, yes? Realise that my ONLY provider in all these cases is God, that since I have never given anyone a second glance to begin with, why start now, trying to see things from others' point of view? A view I have rejected from the beginning.
So, I came, or have come, to my senses. I have decided to let God know that I have worked out His way of doing things, His reason for letting me be me, that I do not want Him to stop being Himself so that I can be at ease, nor disregard His mercy towrds me. And I do it thusly, because, when all is said and done, I HATE the situation I am in, and want to be unrestricted by any creature:
Abba, Father, You are The Almighty, and all things are Yours, and all the power is Yours.
You alone can effect the change I need in order to find space for myself.
You have lived up to all Your promises, and never once have I found fault in Your word.
Just as at that time when I prayed to You in Zimbabwe, and You answered, "to him who orders his conduct aright I will show the salvation of God "
Since at all times, You are the Alpha, and the Omega, and as You have been with me in private, I now ask You to be with me publicly, that all may know that it is not MY thing, that I am not alone, but You are the Power, and the Author of all things, and You are claiming the earth for Yourself, not for anyone else.
Take the earth for Yourself, and give me a place to rest, because Your promise to me was that I would have a place to rest for myself.
And bring my ten women to me, for it is not in me to seek anything for myself for my own good. Amen.
