Over the weekend, after being forced to acknowledge that a life where I did NOTHING but just sit and talk was more like hell than paradise, I grudgingly came to the conclusion that, as always, I was prejudiced against God and was taking everything He showed me the wrong way.
I went up into Simonstown on Saturday afternoon, because I wanted to find out if I mattered, to ... Nicky?... Michelle's friend; because, in broad daylight, and among throngs of people who were going on about their business, it all seemed incredible, and too farfetched to ever happen.
There is a fellow expatriate near Jubilee Square, who for some time had been pressing me to, in my spare time, give him a hand in making his 'African' Arts, from wires and beads, and so, I used that as a pretext to come into town.
He gave me some beading to do, and the moment I started winding the wire round the template frame, it was as if my hands were screaming at me.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, they seemed to say; set us free.
But, I thought, GOD SAID my yoke was as ACADEMIC...meaning I do not DO anything, but just sit there, bored to death, doing fuck-all.
Yeah, right:- HE SAID, that I was academic to the fish, and we all know that fish live, breathe, shit and die in the water, and they pay no attention to the well-being of their environment. So, in effect, God, whose GLORY is full on the earth[dry ground, terra firma] was saying that I did not have to do anything FOR those who did not see Him as ... glorious, but I was not encumbered when it came to those who did...like me, or those, I could say, specifically; I ...liked.
Anyway, there is no way I would divulge info about the follies of people if I was not getting something out of it, and the data was just a by-product, while I DID something worthwhile with the knowledge.
Like "Project Automobile". Now, I am an adrenalin junkie, pure and simple, and when I look at bikes, cars, planes, I see the shortsightedness that went into the design; the fact that one spends more time fiddling withthe machine than deriving pleasure from doing figure-eights and having the skin pull back from the face as one attempts to defy gravity...and ALL that without having to harm nature...innocent fun.
*****
Anyway, it was only Saturday that I realised that it would be a huge blow if ...Nicky?, since she is nearest... were to ...laugh at me, since I was so...exposed.
And I was tensing all the time I sat and laughed with this Rasta guy, entertaining everyone around with made-up stories and jokes; waiting for the axe to fall.
And all I saw was this... woman, who, in retrospect, looked a lot like Butt-head, Michelle's 'boyfiend', right down to the specks, and she descended the stairs right up to that spot where there is a post with a map that has, "you are here", on it. Right, if you can get there, you will see where I was, because 'here' was EXACTLY where I was.
She had a nice ass, but spoiled it all by having her legs bare; she had a mini-skirt. I payed not much attention to her except to wonder where I had seen that nose before. She turned left after 'you are here' and came back later...and she seemed to peer myopically at what I was doing with my hands, and her face had a look I would have associated with a deer walking among sleeping lions;- a tight face.
While I puzzled about this, it hit me- THAT is Nicky's sister! The nose must run in the family, since Butt-Head had one like that, and I had seen HIS face tense when I bumped into him. Of course, regardless of whatever happens, if I DO bump into him again I WILL kill him.
And I thought just how weird it was that I had developed a soft spot for his sister but would cheerfully strangle him.
it was ll too weird for words, and also made me wonder if anything would come out of all this, because at this moment, I am like a submarine, submerged, with no sonar; deaf, blind and clueless as to what is happening outside, and I must say, my sense of the ridiculous has kicked in, and I am doubting very much that one woman...not to mention TEN... would ever want to draw close to me.
Either THEY would be crazy, or they would be the only sane people in a crazy world.
Anyway, I went, forlorn, back to my place, and hated the time I am spending doing nothing. I had a heart to heart with God, and told Him that He had promised that He would remove The Holy Spirit [no way I am going to be like those two who made the ark, in whom was 'the spirit of God' to enable them to work in all kinds of metal, et.c.] because He had said that it would not require The Holy Spirit for a person to achieve things [ not by power, nor by might, but by My Spirit, says the God of War], but would require power and might.
So, I told Him to GIVE me the power and deal with His Spirit, and for crying out loud BRING these women to me, I am lonely.
I think I said please. I am not sure. I was just fed up.
I love God, really, but sometimes I wonder if He is not pulling my leg.
Besides He has never DONE what I am asking for for anyone; which, actually, is an asinine argument, because He says I am unique, an so, if what He does for me has ever been done for anyone, I would wonder at Him, now wouldn't I?
Anyway, that is how things stand.
I wonder what the women REALLY think?
I went up into Simonstown on Saturday afternoon, because I wanted to find out if I mattered, to ... Nicky?... Michelle's friend; because, in broad daylight, and among throngs of people who were going on about their business, it all seemed incredible, and too farfetched to ever happen.
There is a fellow expatriate near Jubilee Square, who for some time had been pressing me to, in my spare time, give him a hand in making his 'African' Arts, from wires and beads, and so, I used that as a pretext to come into town.
He gave me some beading to do, and the moment I started winding the wire round the template frame, it was as if my hands were screaming at me.
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO, they seemed to say; set us free.
But, I thought, GOD SAID my yoke was as ACADEMIC...meaning I do not DO anything, but just sit there, bored to death, doing fuck-all.
Yeah, right:- HE SAID, that I was academic to the fish, and we all know that fish live, breathe, shit and die in the water, and they pay no attention to the well-being of their environment. So, in effect, God, whose GLORY is full on the earth[dry ground, terra firma] was saying that I did not have to do anything FOR those who did not see Him as ... glorious, but I was not encumbered when it came to those who did...like me, or those, I could say, specifically; I ...liked.
Anyway, there is no way I would divulge info about the follies of people if I was not getting something out of it, and the data was just a by-product, while I DID something worthwhile with the knowledge.
Like "Project Automobile". Now, I am an adrenalin junkie, pure and simple, and when I look at bikes, cars, planes, I see the shortsightedness that went into the design; the fact that one spends more time fiddling withthe machine than deriving pleasure from doing figure-eights and having the skin pull back from the face as one attempts to defy gravity...and ALL that without having to harm nature...innocent fun.
*****
Anyway, it was only Saturday that I realised that it would be a huge blow if ...Nicky?, since she is nearest... were to ...laugh at me, since I was so...exposed.
And I was tensing all the time I sat and laughed with this Rasta guy, entertaining everyone around with made-up stories and jokes; waiting for the axe to fall.
And all I saw was this... woman, who, in retrospect, looked a lot like Butt-head, Michelle's 'boyfiend', right down to the specks, and she descended the stairs right up to that spot where there is a post with a map that has, "you are here", on it. Right, if you can get there, you will see where I was, because 'here' was EXACTLY where I was.
She had a nice ass, but spoiled it all by having her legs bare; she had a mini-skirt. I payed not much attention to her except to wonder where I had seen that nose before. She turned left after 'you are here' and came back later...and she seemed to peer myopically at what I was doing with my hands, and her face had a look I would have associated with a deer walking among sleeping lions;- a tight face.
While I puzzled about this, it hit me- THAT is Nicky's sister! The nose must run in the family, since Butt-Head had one like that, and I had seen HIS face tense when I bumped into him. Of course, regardless of whatever happens, if I DO bump into him again I WILL kill him.
And I thought just how weird it was that I had developed a soft spot for his sister but would cheerfully strangle him.
it was ll too weird for words, and also made me wonder if anything would come out of all this, because at this moment, I am like a submarine, submerged, with no sonar; deaf, blind and clueless as to what is happening outside, and I must say, my sense of the ridiculous has kicked in, and I am doubting very much that one woman...not to mention TEN... would ever want to draw close to me.
Either THEY would be crazy, or they would be the only sane people in a crazy world.
Anyway, I went, forlorn, back to my place, and hated the time I am spending doing nothing. I had a heart to heart with God, and told Him that He had promised that He would remove The Holy Spirit [no way I am going to be like those two who made the ark, in whom was 'the spirit of God' to enable them to work in all kinds of metal, et.c.] because He had said that it would not require The Holy Spirit for a person to achieve things [ not by power, nor by might, but by My Spirit, says the God of War], but would require power and might.
So, I told Him to GIVE me the power and deal with His Spirit, and for crying out loud BRING these women to me, I am lonely.
I think I said please. I am not sure. I was just fed up.
I love God, really, but sometimes I wonder if He is not pulling my leg.
Besides He has never DONE what I am asking for for anyone; which, actually, is an asinine argument, because He says I am unique, an so, if what He does for me has ever been done for anyone, I would wonder at Him, now wouldn't I?
Anyway, that is how things stand.
I wonder what the women REALLY think?
