OK, so the statistics on my blogspot show that I am getting a lot of views, and I may be a bit of an enigma to many, and that is why I have taken an extra day off to explain myself... in the hope that I do not have to take the steps I feel drawing closer and closer with each dead silence.
I am, curiously enough, getting to know MYSELF more and more each day, and what I find disturbs me since every day I get stripped of all the illusions I had about what makes me tick.
I remember vehemently protesting to God that He was wrong about me having a deathwish, because my life, at that time, could have been summed up in the opening words of Shaggy's song: Keeping it Real
"When I was young I used to dream of being rich
Have a lot of houses and cars wouldn't know which one was which
And finding me a chick and getting hitched
Living the fairy tale life perfect without a hitch..."
Yet, my steps were the contra-indictors, because everything was with a view to isolate myself and totally cut myself off from any human contact, and take the first exit, as soon as life became too strenuous.
But when The Holy Spirit entered the fray, for a time I actually thought that He meant for me to 'get a life', but with every step I took with Him, I reached the dismal conclusion that He was not going to be the reliever of my burden, because He came to make me see "clearly" how things REALLY stood.
Now I know that, not today, nor tomorrow, nor in eternity, will my heart ever be warmed, that I am ice inside, because there is no love in me. At all.
The one thing I can respond to is LOGIC; cold reasoning, and unfortunately, like The Terminator, I can not stop doing what I set out to do, and even in the heat of battle, I know no fear, nor slackening of resolve, because before I DO anything, I factor in all the likely variables and choose a method of approach that best suits me... which is why my demands, though seemingly exorbitant, or terrorist, ARE the ones I arrived at after calculating ALL the possible outcomes and selecting the optimum one.One that serves ME best.
The OTHER bad thing is that I have The Holy Spirit as 'The Power' to make things happen, and being decidedly "cold" then it means that whenever I do decide to ACT, I do so deliberately, and because of Him, UNSTOPPABLY, which is something that ought to give people pause, and think soberly about my actions.
Since I am constantly re-inventing myself, and never make a decision without factoring in any new change, and thus protecting myself from it, (since I hate being in any way exposed or used by any person); it would be an extremely foolish person who thinks he or she will find me, like the bowl for the dog left behind the door at night, in the same place I was the day before. I always advance towards the goal that becomes clearer with each step, and the more steps I take, the less ambivalent I am about my nature... and hence the COLDER I get... and since I never back down when I do decide to do something that is not based on a desire to humble or humiliate a person, you can all take it as dead certain that I WILL extract from everyone US$250million so that Phase TWO of my plans comes to pass.
There are, of course, people who assume that they can reason (or deflect) me from my purpose, and that I actually CARE about what they consider THEIR primary goals, and so seek to have me work together with them to achieve these... I must say that I am a SINGULAR person, I do not do majority decisions, nor do I do anything that, in the slightest, makes me carry a burden that I have no wish to.
I was once going to get married, be a singer, or do something flashy: well, none of that NOW. The ONLY burden I can and WILL carry through is that of Jesus Christ, and that only because He DID something for me, something that shows uncommon sacrifice, and therefore I have a debt of honour towards Him. He is NOT my Lord, but yours, and never will I bow down to HIM. If it has to come to Him expecting THAT of me,then I would rather burn in hell.
So, people, if that is how I stand on the issue of The Living God, The Creator of everything, how much less significant to me is anyone? Think about it before I take matters into my own hands and decide to painfully EXTRACT what I want, because, one way or the other I WILL have my own way.
I do not do consensus decisions, I do solo decisions.
I am, curiously enough, getting to know MYSELF more and more each day, and what I find disturbs me since every day I get stripped of all the illusions I had about what makes me tick.
I remember vehemently protesting to God that He was wrong about me having a deathwish, because my life, at that time, could have been summed up in the opening words of Shaggy's song: Keeping it Real
"When I was young I used to dream of being rich
Have a lot of houses and cars wouldn't know which one was which
And finding me a chick and getting hitched
Living the fairy tale life perfect without a hitch..."
Yet, my steps were the contra-indictors, because everything was with a view to isolate myself and totally cut myself off from any human contact, and take the first exit, as soon as life became too strenuous.
But when The Holy Spirit entered the fray, for a time I actually thought that He meant for me to 'get a life', but with every step I took with Him, I reached the dismal conclusion that He was not going to be the reliever of my burden, because He came to make me see "clearly" how things REALLY stood.
Now I know that, not today, nor tomorrow, nor in eternity, will my heart ever be warmed, that I am ice inside, because there is no love in me. At all.
The one thing I can respond to is LOGIC; cold reasoning, and unfortunately, like The Terminator, I can not stop doing what I set out to do, and even in the heat of battle, I know no fear, nor slackening of resolve, because before I DO anything, I factor in all the likely variables and choose a method of approach that best suits me... which is why my demands, though seemingly exorbitant, or terrorist, ARE the ones I arrived at after calculating ALL the possible outcomes and selecting the optimum one.One that serves ME best.
The OTHER bad thing is that I have The Holy Spirit as 'The Power' to make things happen, and being decidedly "cold" then it means that whenever I do decide to ACT, I do so deliberately, and because of Him, UNSTOPPABLY, which is something that ought to give people pause, and think soberly about my actions.
Since I am constantly re-inventing myself, and never make a decision without factoring in any new change, and thus protecting myself from it, (since I hate being in any way exposed or used by any person); it would be an extremely foolish person who thinks he or she will find me, like the bowl for the dog left behind the door at night, in the same place I was the day before. I always advance towards the goal that becomes clearer with each step, and the more steps I take, the less ambivalent I am about my nature... and hence the COLDER I get... and since I never back down when I do decide to do something that is not based on a desire to humble or humiliate a person, you can all take it as dead certain that I WILL extract from everyone US$250million so that Phase TWO of my plans comes to pass.
There are, of course, people who assume that they can reason (or deflect) me from my purpose, and that I actually CARE about what they consider THEIR primary goals, and so seek to have me work together with them to achieve these... I must say that I am a SINGULAR person, I do not do majority decisions, nor do I do anything that, in the slightest, makes me carry a burden that I have no wish to.
I was once going to get married, be a singer, or do something flashy: well, none of that NOW. The ONLY burden I can and WILL carry through is that of Jesus Christ, and that only because He DID something for me, something that shows uncommon sacrifice, and therefore I have a debt of honour towards Him. He is NOT my Lord, but yours, and never will I bow down to HIM. If it has to come to Him expecting THAT of me,then I would rather burn in hell.
So, people, if that is how I stand on the issue of The Living God, The Creator of everything, how much less significant to me is anyone? Think about it before I take matters into my own hands and decide to painfully EXTRACT what I want, because, one way or the other I WILL have my own way.
I do not do consensus decisions, I do solo decisions.
