Funny word that; "compromise"... a word meaning, basically, 'sending something with', or 'including something else in a mission' so that whatever one sets out to do does not retain the 'purity' it would have had if the included element was not...included that is.
It is a lesson I have been very reluctant, and slow, to learn, because, as with everything that is impossible, you want to get it done, or get on the road quickly, just so that you are no longer tearing your hair out and stressing about whether or not this will ever get done.
But I learnt something when I embarked on solving the Goldbach Conjecture, when the enigmatic Creator of all things sent me an 'open season' invitation...without a time limit, to not only thoroughly solve the puzzle said to be impossible to solve, but to find out just what was REALLY wrong with modern mathematics and put my finger RIGHT on the button... and pause.
Because solving the thing, or just merely showing what was wrong, would have "compromised" me, since i would have had to include certain things, like pretending I really cared for accolades, or wanted to make my mother happy, or was going to be a disinterested observer as more children were born and made miserable because they had to endure things like the decidedly oxymoronic "parental guidance", or that I would condone having The Holy Spirit riding shotgun and getting in the way of what I did with his "advice" and "good intentions"...another oxymoron.
So, I have had to solve my problems first, and I have had to look deeply at myself and realise that the one person so far who is aware of what is going on and what is totally skewed, is, aside form God; me, and so, the only person I have to fully satisfy is myself, first.
Know that part of Psalms where God says, "I will guide you with My eye. Do not be like the mule or the horse that have to be bridled else they will not listen to you..."? Well, I take that literally. Anytime something is even a bit off, I stop everything else, and chase the scent till I get to the bottom of it, because I have discovered one thing, that when it comes to things that make me hesitate,it always pays to sort out the tangles BEFORE carrying on, because a problem ignored is a problem fostered.
Therefore everytime I sense God's implacable eye on me, I may go, "Oh, not again!", but I have learned to listen as well, and stop thinking He is wrong for not giving me rest, and trust that, really, God cares, for me, and THAT is a humbling thing, and a great thing, and I LIVE that, everyday, and so, it matters to me a lot more what God has to say than what everybody else, singly or collectively, may have to say.
Which is why I never bother asking anyone's opinion on anything, because frankly, no one has anything to say that I would have time to listen to.
Which is also why I make "executive decisions" about what will happen, or to whom, without consulting that person, or persons.
Which also brings me to the final 3 women that I have selected as my very own.
Now, I have already chosen 7, and the thing is, the ones I chose, I appreciate personally, because they are neither mothers nor Christian, nor married, which means they would not have deeply rooted ideas that will be hard to unseat, and as such, they will be easier to deal with than any other type of person.
However, just ONE woman would be too much of a burden on me, so I intend to spread myself around since well, ALL of me on one person would be a bit too much to handle for any woman...there does not exist a single person whose undivided attention I could handle for more than a sinlge day running: I would start finding faults very quickly, and well, the person would soon wish she had had nothing to do with me.
So, ten women it is, and the way I have planned it, I get to wear down none, and they get to keep me company and the light touch I will have to employ will act as oil that will keep the moving parts from wearing down, and not cause too much friction, since God, my God, the Only God, is a "God of thin violence".
Here are the final 3
8) This psychiatry final year student at UCT 2010, who, by her witty talk, drew me the most away from the abyss of self doubt that I was plunging into the time I went all out to die, and ended up at Valkenberg. I never realised hown much of an impact till I tried to tarce my resurgence, and realised that by the time I ended up as an inmate of a sanatorium, I had given up completely, and yet she never taked about what was troubling me, but drew me to light issues that happened around me. I liked that a lot, and so, will have her for myself.
9)The school leaver who was on trial at Simonstown library as a librarian and did not stay for long...hey, her I could read like a book, and so, because I liked what I saw, and her response to me, I get to keep her as well.
10)No surprise there. She is the stunning girl I saw at the beach who happens to be the only person I have ever gone back twice, thrice to get a "second look", and she has impressed me; the girl who was reading the book "Shopaholic girl"...well, I have written about her, and about all of these women, before, so I now say that, as soon as we have broken ground....working on that... I will henceforth direct all my attention to making sure I carry on to the beginning of the engineering phase of my plan to make everyone aware that there is one God, and no other King but Him.
The only way to get everybody's attention is by sticking to the facts, and I will start with my...as I pointed out... exquisitely expensive plan to redraft the world's education curriculae, and then go on to showing the true age of the world.
Oh, yeah, I have thought about the manner I would show how old the earth is, and I have decided to pit myself against the foremost scientists. I will not personally ever try to unearth a fossil or dig up Noah's Ark. No, the archaeologists will do that themselves, I will merely sort out the info, and present the date from THEIR collections, and they can try to dispute it if they like. I will not dirty my fingers...ever!
