When God made known His... interest... in my life, He raised a whole hornet's nest, simply because He refused to let me compromise, and I refused to change my view that there is no way I could live unless I STOPPED being me, since life...or rather people, would never be able to make head or tail of me, as I am, but would try to make me change, when I was already so wound tight that any THOUGHT of change would get me going berserk... rolling up the sleeves and saying, "WTF do you think you are, trying to 'correct' me"
Add that to the fact that I have a weakness for pretty women, and there is therefore NO way I could ever make any progress, right?
What if I could tell you that God found a way to circumnavigate all that, and showed me TEN women who would be very happy to let me be me, because anything else would be too... little to do them any good?
Because, you see, finally, I CAN say that.
Like all unexpected things in life, the firsts of two types happened when I was not looking, and when I could not even have thought WHAT I was was obvious to anyone, at first glance.
1) Maybe I would have to check the dates, but I am sure she was the first, of the three, and she explains the mystery of the 'three'...because she 'happened' right in my back yard, at Long Beach...the girl who, as I passed by, showed [on Saturday], her beautiful ass, and the flared waist, in those high cut jeans of hers.
She was standing by a bakkie, with no diving logo, and on either side of her were two men, one a boy and the other seemingly, her 'husband', and the weird thing was that all two acted frozen, like those mannequins in a shop, maybe because her behaviour was outrageous, even to them [Or maybe, because of me? I seem to have a habit of making people very 'terrified' when I do not like them]. Of course, I was smitten by her figure, but I immediately thought, she is white, they make no deal about posin' on the beach, and anyway, the two are her family...maybe she is crazy, mad. But then, after reflecting on these things on the toilet bowl, I came back, and she acted even weirder. As I walked towards her silver bakkie, she suddenly walked off, in a curious gait, one I can only roughly liken to the walk of Reeves in the opening scenes of "Speed" when he and his partner were receiving medals... without the robotic hand movement.
Took me all this time to realise that the lady realised I had her in my sights, and she was keen to SHOW both her lack of a link with the two and her lack of defiance...towards me. If she had flounced and such as she walked away, I would have concluded she was saying "Kiss my ass!", and ignored her, which as it turns out, she did NOT want, so she walked like she was on parade, slowly, carefully.Like someone on thin ice.
My anger was quitened, and I did not pursue the issue of her flashing her ass at me; I concluded that she was playing to the only audience that mattered, the audience of one...me.
2) Again, on a Saturrday, this other black-clad chick acted 'weird' as far as I could tell, but when she smiled briefly as I came round the third time, and she showed me her back...I mean, ass, and only later her face, as she kept her gaze on this book "Shopaholic Girl", I found out that she really was not involved with the guy who was lying down next to her, and that the reason she would not raise her eyes to me was not that I was beneath her, but that she was more afraid of me concluding that she was using this guy as cover, so, without being in any way vague about it, she was TELLING me that she was... impressed...with me.
3) Now, this is what I did not say about the lady who also showed up...on another Saturday afternoon, when I had literally CALLED her. I had seen Michelle's friend the day before, and while she was attractive, I knew she was an enemy, but I wanted revenge, so I was out to use her to get back at her brother and Michelle, only to realise that the days of selling myself short were long gone, I wanted my dignity intact, and as I was interested in leaving SA, I had to have a launching pad... someone who would not humiliate me... someone who had a place of her own and would not be a 'means' to an end, but mine forever... and so, when SHE showed up, she did her walk of recognition of not only where I stay, but also allayed my fears that she was a desperate woman looking for a quick-fix to an unhappy life.
Then she stared at me,...those eyes,[and before that, I had noticed that, as she turned her back to me, so very deliberately, her loose jeans did not conceal her rather curvy body, and I am a fan of curves, and shapely asses] that look... and held my eye so directly, but without any patronising nor any pretense, I was won over, and I knew that I would never have to worry about her later sinking a knife in my back with a 'if it wasn't for me and my help' speech.
The other seven also had a start in the most unlikeliest of places...
1) When I walked into this bottle store, and the tall 'Castle' girl literally jumped, and then, as if recalling herself, said, "Lets see first of all what he buys", as if she had already made up her mind about me, but, remembering that there were people, was looking for a way to show her appreciation, and distinguish me from the others. I was dressed in a scruffy T-Shirt, and there were better looking ones available, but when she handed me a cap, I was quite happy, because she did not go, 'poor man, here, let me dress you better!'.
She left me to deal with my problems my own way. And signalled her own willingness to be with me on my own terms. When I was ready.
2)The girl on the 25th, when I was pissed off about the Glencairn girl, who, after letting me look her all over, cut in front of me and seemed to say, 'whatever your problems, do not make me one of them, I am not a threat...nor will I let you treat me as one'. And she was gorgeous, too!
3) The other girl in black, the day after, who looked at me and made known to me that it was not a laughing matter for her to pass in front of me.
4) The polite-girl who soothed my anger at the other loud woman, then walked out soon after, as if to let me cool down and distinguish between her and whatever was REALLY bothering me.
5)The other girl at the Beach, who could not find a place to rest but smiled at me even though she had seen what was happening, as if to say that I could find a solution.
6) The girl at the Fish Hoek Beach Restaurant, who made known to me how intolerable her life was, as she chewed her fingernails.
7) The tall girl at Fish Hoek Library last Friday, who was happy that I liked what I saw, and made no bones about it...nor took it for granted, a refreshing change. I can not get over the fact that, when she saw I was impressed with her as she stood hands on hips facing the library door, she turned her whole body towards me and posed for effect... and I stared.
With women like this, who needs compromise? Like women with rings on fingers, women with kids...you can find them by their emphasising every order with a push or shove on the kid, or married women. Give me the simple life any day, women who respect me for the simple practical reason that, before me, they have NEVER lusted after a man, nor given in to one, and...what the heck?
Add that to the fact that I have a weakness for pretty women, and there is therefore NO way I could ever make any progress, right?
What if I could tell you that God found a way to circumnavigate all that, and showed me TEN women who would be very happy to let me be me, because anything else would be too... little to do them any good?
Because, you see, finally, I CAN say that.
Like all unexpected things in life, the firsts of two types happened when I was not looking, and when I could not even have thought WHAT I was was obvious to anyone, at first glance.
1) Maybe I would have to check the dates, but I am sure she was the first, of the three, and she explains the mystery of the 'three'...because she 'happened' right in my back yard, at Long Beach...the girl who, as I passed by, showed [on Saturday], her beautiful ass, and the flared waist, in those high cut jeans of hers.
She was standing by a bakkie, with no diving logo, and on either side of her were two men, one a boy and the other seemingly, her 'husband', and the weird thing was that all two acted frozen, like those mannequins in a shop, maybe because her behaviour was outrageous, even to them [Or maybe, because of me? I seem to have a habit of making people very 'terrified' when I do not like them]. Of course, I was smitten by her figure, but I immediately thought, she is white, they make no deal about posin' on the beach, and anyway, the two are her family...maybe she is crazy, mad. But then, after reflecting on these things on the toilet bowl, I came back, and she acted even weirder. As I walked towards her silver bakkie, she suddenly walked off, in a curious gait, one I can only roughly liken to the walk of Reeves in the opening scenes of "Speed" when he and his partner were receiving medals... without the robotic hand movement.
Took me all this time to realise that the lady realised I had her in my sights, and she was keen to SHOW both her lack of a link with the two and her lack of defiance...towards me. If she had flounced and such as she walked away, I would have concluded she was saying "Kiss my ass!", and ignored her, which as it turns out, she did NOT want, so she walked like she was on parade, slowly, carefully.Like someone on thin ice.
My anger was quitened, and I did not pursue the issue of her flashing her ass at me; I concluded that she was playing to the only audience that mattered, the audience of one...me.
2) Again, on a Saturrday, this other black-clad chick acted 'weird' as far as I could tell, but when she smiled briefly as I came round the third time, and she showed me her back...I mean, ass, and only later her face, as she kept her gaze on this book "Shopaholic Girl", I found out that she really was not involved with the guy who was lying down next to her, and that the reason she would not raise her eyes to me was not that I was beneath her, but that she was more afraid of me concluding that she was using this guy as cover, so, without being in any way vague about it, she was TELLING me that she was... impressed...with me.
3) Now, this is what I did not say about the lady who also showed up...on another Saturday afternoon, when I had literally CALLED her. I had seen Michelle's friend the day before, and while she was attractive, I knew she was an enemy, but I wanted revenge, so I was out to use her to get back at her brother and Michelle, only to realise that the days of selling myself short were long gone, I wanted my dignity intact, and as I was interested in leaving SA, I had to have a launching pad... someone who would not humiliate me... someone who had a place of her own and would not be a 'means' to an end, but mine forever... and so, when SHE showed up, she did her walk of recognition of not only where I stay, but also allayed my fears that she was a desperate woman looking for a quick-fix to an unhappy life.
Then she stared at me,...those eyes,[and before that, I had noticed that, as she turned her back to me, so very deliberately, her loose jeans did not conceal her rather curvy body, and I am a fan of curves, and shapely asses] that look... and held my eye so directly, but without any patronising nor any pretense, I was won over, and I knew that I would never have to worry about her later sinking a knife in my back with a 'if it wasn't for me and my help' speech.
The other seven also had a start in the most unlikeliest of places...
1) When I walked into this bottle store, and the tall 'Castle' girl literally jumped, and then, as if recalling herself, said, "Lets see first of all what he buys", as if she had already made up her mind about me, but, remembering that there were people, was looking for a way to show her appreciation, and distinguish me from the others. I was dressed in a scruffy T-Shirt, and there were better looking ones available, but when she handed me a cap, I was quite happy, because she did not go, 'poor man, here, let me dress you better!'.
She left me to deal with my problems my own way. And signalled her own willingness to be with me on my own terms. When I was ready.
2)The girl on the 25th, when I was pissed off about the Glencairn girl, who, after letting me look her all over, cut in front of me and seemed to say, 'whatever your problems, do not make me one of them, I am not a threat...nor will I let you treat me as one'. And she was gorgeous, too!
3) The other girl in black, the day after, who looked at me and made known to me that it was not a laughing matter for her to pass in front of me.
4) The polite-girl who soothed my anger at the other loud woman, then walked out soon after, as if to let me cool down and distinguish between her and whatever was REALLY bothering me.
5)The other girl at the Beach, who could not find a place to rest but smiled at me even though she had seen what was happening, as if to say that I could find a solution.
6) The girl at the Fish Hoek Beach Restaurant, who made known to me how intolerable her life was, as she chewed her fingernails.
7) The tall girl at Fish Hoek Library last Friday, who was happy that I liked what I saw, and made no bones about it...nor took it for granted, a refreshing change. I can not get over the fact that, when she saw I was impressed with her as she stood hands on hips facing the library door, she turned her whole body towards me and posed for effect... and I stared.
With women like this, who needs compromise? Like women with rings on fingers, women with kids...you can find them by their emphasising every order with a push or shove on the kid, or married women. Give me the simple life any day, women who respect me for the simple practical reason that, before me, they have NEVER lusted after a man, nor given in to one, and...what the heck?
