I love God, seriously, because He is always logical, and consistent, and it was this that made me come to the library today, because today is the day I have let go... my childhood.
Meaning, of course, my mother.
God had a reason for meeting Jacob the night he left home, and everything He showed him was to the end that the guy may see that he was being given a choice... do what your mother wants, and be great in people's eyes, or do what I want, and climb to where I am.
The guy chose his mother... as God knew he would, which is why He talked, and did not just SHOW up.And later called Jacob "His" first-born... as the first to actually reject God for the things of the earth.
He showed up with me,on the night when I was really fed up with pretending I liked the status quo, and ever since, I have been weaning/ being weaned, from the 'normal' things that make up life.
Which is why I never really DID anything, nor took a driver's licence,because I know the mentality of a man making a car is that of one looking for a substitute for a woman [look at some of the sexy cars, bikes out there] nor finished education, nor got employment, nor even...ever ejaculated.
Because I know there is no greater cruelty a man may inflict on a woman than to make her pregnant.
But that same understanding of things made me really keen to FIND women who were 'worth' me putting them under my wing, so to speak, women who would not have a problem looking up to me because I would not be 'in disguise', and who themselves would not be of the kind that have learnt to compromise and seek easy ways out.
Which is to say, women who would not take me for granted.
Now, I have spoken about the ten, and indeed I will not let these go, BUT, while it took these for me to really wake up to what I am, because I never thought I could ever be taken for me by some women without having to compromise myself... I have to say that there are other women, close at hand, that I have reacted to on sight and liked, because to me they embodied everything I wanted in a woman...defenseless, easy on the eyes, and actually seeing through my confusion to the real person beneath.The ten made me into a king...for me to make my 'footstool' [come on, a king on a footstool crosses his legs so that he is not exposed...and rests one foot on top of the other, and ceases to be, in a metaphoric sense, reproductive]I am calling the requisite 'five' who will make me eager to just go to Alaska and settle there and never leave it while I show everyone the faults in their lifestyles, and thus, make an end to...everyone else.
That means no bikes, cars or planes, and the only concession would be electricity and internet access, plus a shopping spree[ one off] to get the things I would want for a comfortable stay... after the flood, I guess. Because that is the only way I know to make a clear-cut distinction between me and everyone else... a version of The Berlin Wall.
The five are, unsurprisingly enough:
1) The 'divorcee': Now that I have the green light, I will point out that she walked up from the court onto the library parking lot cloaked with an air of shame, and her standing there, looking at me, refusing to just get in the car was like her screaming for help... and that is why I moved a bit towards the guy, and he backed off.The distinguishing feature about her was her face... like a child, but expresionless, to much so... . It spoke loud, and she had such white unblemished skin. Not any of the spots I am afraid of in white people
2) The Diving girl who would not let me look her in the face, but turned her back to me as I passed so that I saw her impossible flare and tight ass. I understand now, with clearer insight into women, that it was her back, and thus her vulnerability, she was showing me, but I would not focus on plunging my judgement into her back, but looked at her cute, sexy bottom instead, and I loved it.When she covered herself and walked off, and asked the divers who were coming off the boat how visibility was, I saw just how much taller than the guy she was... So, maybe she worries about her beauty AND her height.
3) The taller Castle girl. Frankly, I did not really notice, but maybe I just thought she was standing on a pedestal or something, but the chick looked down on me, and as I peered up into her face with the cap, I was struggling NOT to ogle her breasts. I think I am six feet tall, so she must top me by several inches, but I liked the freshness about her, and her pleasure at seeing me... and the fact that we both acknowledged tacitly that she was being used as a laughingstock in a crazy, humiliating way. No, wonder she gave me a cap... as well.
4)The girl I saw at the beach, the day I kicked the small dog... the one in black, with her black hair, and stunning white face, who gave a nervous smile when I walked with the ugly Xhosa chick, and showed that she was looking for rest but could find none. Well, no two ways about it, she is above average...size... but those little details did not even bother me, because I was thinking of 'Fast Car', by Tracy Chapman:
Do you have a fast car
Is it fast enogh so we can fly away
You gotta make a decision
Flee tonight or live and die this way
Anyplace is better...
5) The one who brought it all home to me:
She comes in as I wait outside the library for it to open yesterday, and I am smitten on sight. She was wearing black, black top with skirty-end, and black stockings, black leather boots, flat soled. I heard about the slimming effect of black...dont believe it... effect was, to me, to make everything more pronounced. Her curves stood out, and her impossible height, and then she stands there going, 'hmm, 9:30!' as she scans the opening times. I am looking. She sees that I like side view, so she turns full face to me to ask the time, and I do not have a watch, but we do find out that it is 9:11am, and she stands there, with her library card in hand, and then she walks slowly away, leaving me with the other line from the song:
I... had a feeling that I belonged
I...had a feeling I could be someone, be someone..
So these are it...let the lines be drawn...!
Meaning, of course, my mother.
God had a reason for meeting Jacob the night he left home, and everything He showed him was to the end that the guy may see that he was being given a choice... do what your mother wants, and be great in people's eyes, or do what I want, and climb to where I am.
The guy chose his mother... as God knew he would, which is why He talked, and did not just SHOW up.And later called Jacob "His" first-born... as the first to actually reject God for the things of the earth.
He showed up with me,on the night when I was really fed up with pretending I liked the status quo, and ever since, I have been weaning/ being weaned, from the 'normal' things that make up life.
Which is why I never really DID anything, nor took a driver's licence,because I know the mentality of a man making a car is that of one looking for a substitute for a woman [look at some of the sexy cars, bikes out there] nor finished education, nor got employment, nor even...ever ejaculated.
Because I know there is no greater cruelty a man may inflict on a woman than to make her pregnant.
But that same understanding of things made me really keen to FIND women who were 'worth' me putting them under my wing, so to speak, women who would not have a problem looking up to me because I would not be 'in disguise', and who themselves would not be of the kind that have learnt to compromise and seek easy ways out.
Which is to say, women who would not take me for granted.
Now, I have spoken about the ten, and indeed I will not let these go, BUT, while it took these for me to really wake up to what I am, because I never thought I could ever be taken for me by some women without having to compromise myself... I have to say that there are other women, close at hand, that I have reacted to on sight and liked, because to me they embodied everything I wanted in a woman...defenseless, easy on the eyes, and actually seeing through my confusion to the real person beneath.The ten made me into a king...for me to make my 'footstool' [come on, a king on a footstool crosses his legs so that he is not exposed...and rests one foot on top of the other, and ceases to be, in a metaphoric sense, reproductive]I am calling the requisite 'five' who will make me eager to just go to Alaska and settle there and never leave it while I show everyone the faults in their lifestyles, and thus, make an end to...everyone else.
That means no bikes, cars or planes, and the only concession would be electricity and internet access, plus a shopping spree[ one off] to get the things I would want for a comfortable stay... after the flood, I guess. Because that is the only way I know to make a clear-cut distinction between me and everyone else... a version of The Berlin Wall.
The five are, unsurprisingly enough:
1) The 'divorcee': Now that I have the green light, I will point out that she walked up from the court onto the library parking lot cloaked with an air of shame, and her standing there, looking at me, refusing to just get in the car was like her screaming for help... and that is why I moved a bit towards the guy, and he backed off.The distinguishing feature about her was her face... like a child, but expresionless, to much so... . It spoke loud, and she had such white unblemished skin. Not any of the spots I am afraid of in white people
2) The Diving girl who would not let me look her in the face, but turned her back to me as I passed so that I saw her impossible flare and tight ass. I understand now, with clearer insight into women, that it was her back, and thus her vulnerability, she was showing me, but I would not focus on plunging my judgement into her back, but looked at her cute, sexy bottom instead, and I loved it.When she covered herself and walked off, and asked the divers who were coming off the boat how visibility was, I saw just how much taller than the guy she was... So, maybe she worries about her beauty AND her height.
3) The taller Castle girl. Frankly, I did not really notice, but maybe I just thought she was standing on a pedestal or something, but the chick looked down on me, and as I peered up into her face with the cap, I was struggling NOT to ogle her breasts. I think I am six feet tall, so she must top me by several inches, but I liked the freshness about her, and her pleasure at seeing me... and the fact that we both acknowledged tacitly that she was being used as a laughingstock in a crazy, humiliating way. No, wonder she gave me a cap... as well.
4)The girl I saw at the beach, the day I kicked the small dog... the one in black, with her black hair, and stunning white face, who gave a nervous smile when I walked with the ugly Xhosa chick, and showed that she was looking for rest but could find none. Well, no two ways about it, she is above average...size... but those little details did not even bother me, because I was thinking of 'Fast Car', by Tracy Chapman:
Do you have a fast car
Is it fast enogh so we can fly away
You gotta make a decision
Flee tonight or live and die this way
Anyplace is better...
5) The one who brought it all home to me:
She comes in as I wait outside the library for it to open yesterday, and I am smitten on sight. She was wearing black, black top with skirty-end, and black stockings, black leather boots, flat soled. I heard about the slimming effect of black...dont believe it... effect was, to me, to make everything more pronounced. Her curves stood out, and her impossible height, and then she stands there going, 'hmm, 9:30!' as she scans the opening times. I am looking. She sees that I like side view, so she turns full face to me to ask the time, and I do not have a watch, but we do find out that it is 9:11am, and she stands there, with her library card in hand, and then she walks slowly away, leaving me with the other line from the song:
I... had a feeling that I belonged
I...had a feeling I could be someone, be someone..
So these are it...let the lines be drawn...!
